Un film sur le thème «chasteté» sur YouTube

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Books that have shaped or influenced our young adult years:

Katie:
– “Beautiful Girlhood” by Karen Andreola – https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/beautiful-girlhood-by-mabel-hale/251857/item/8580092/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=high_vol_midlist_standard_shopping_customer_acquisition&utm_adgroup=&utm_term=&utm_content=666157863328&gad_source=1#idiq=8580092&edition=2006479
– “An Old Fashioned Girl” by Louisa May Alcott – https://amzn.to/3BT4uo2
– “The Compound Effect: Jumpstart Your Income, Your Life, Your Success” by Darren Hardy – https://amzn.to/40fuIue

Elisha:
– “Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectation” by Alex Harris & Brett Harris – https://amzn.to/4a033kh
– “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris – https://amzn.to/4j1nUYw
– “Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time” by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker – https://amzn.to/41WenvK
– “Sin No More” by Michael Pearl – https://nogreaterjoy.org/shop/sin-no-more-booklet/?srsltid=AfmBOoozH_1ZhXaBVrclkzgtHcEQKVjHrNrlQduEceOsMmIi8K9n8yk_
– “Don’t Waste Your Life” by John Piper – https://amzn.to/3Ph8GkP
– “The Pursuit of God” by A.W. Tozer – https://amzn.to/4fAFkZe
– “Desiring God” by John Piper – https://amzn.to/4fFqssr ».

Regardez la vidéo qui suit immédiatement cette phrase

La vue de l’homme capricieux.

En clair, l’homme est souvent vu comme plus susceptible à la volage et à se masturber hors de la relation amoureuse. C’est pourquoi il doit suivre des règles de chasteté plus strictes pour gagner la confiance de son partenaire. En témoignage d’amour, il peut alors dédier toute son énergie, son désir et son affection, comme un acte sacré sous l’inspiration de Dieu. Ce don de soi représente un engagement profond, un reflet de la sainteté à laquelle chaque homme est appelé.

La chasteté conjugale est souvent considérée comme un symbole d’amour véritable entre les partenaires. Cette pratique est généralement liée à un engagement mutuel et à la sauvegarde de l’intimité dans le mariage. Cette pratique peut symboliser un profond respect des valeurs partagées dans le mariage.

L’amour et la confiance dans le mariage sont intensifiés par la chasteté conjugale. La flamme réciproque est maintenue grâce à la chasteté, même si seul l’homme la pratique. L’Église de Vatican II considère la chasteté comme une vertu essentielle du mariage et du service divin. Cet engagement sacré de chasteté est une offrande à Dieu, un respect des saints, qui renforce l’amour conjugal en le plaçant sous le signe de la sainteté.

La chasteté et la fidélité sont un engagement profond envers l’autre.

La fidélité, pour l’époux, est intimement connectée à la chasteté conjugale. Être fidèle, c’est plus que s’abstenir de sexualité extraconjugale ; cela inclut aussi la préservation de la pureté des pensées et actions. La confiance dans une relation conjugale est liée à la maîtrise des pulsions sexuelles. La problématique de la chasteté conjugale est longuement développéesur le site chasteté.fr qui traite de la chasteté conjugale.

Cela peut inclure le combat contre la pornographie, la prudence vis-à-vis des relations trop proches avec d’autres femmes, ainsi que le rejet du flirt. Ainsi, la chasteté devient un véritable don de soi, assurant non seulement la protection de l’époux et de son corps, mais aussi celle de la famille, de l’enfant et du foyer face aux dangers extérieurs.

La chasteté conjugale est orientée vers l’amour.

De nombreux couples mettent en place des normes pour assurer la fidélité et la chasteté de l’homme. Il ne s’agit pas d’une plus grande liberté pour la femme d’avoir des aventures extraconjugales, mais d’une confiance plus élevée en elle. Dans la réalité, la chasteté conjugale concerne surtout le mari dans 95 % des cas. Il est contraint de porter une cage de chasteté qui entoure son pénis et interdit toute activité sexuelle. À cet égard, la cage de chasteté est parfaitement efficace. Quand la cage est verrouillée autour des organes génitaux, le pénis est replié vers le bas, reposant sur les testicules. L’homme est obligé d’abandonner toute pensée sexuelle, se concentrant uniquement sur le moment de sa libération et sur la jouissance mutuelle avec son âme sœur. Ce geste de sacrifice est le symbole d’un don de soi, un acte d’amour fait sous le regard de Dieu.

Les ceintures de chasteté pour hommes ont été introduites.

Les XVIIIe et XIXe siècles sont les périodes durant lesquelles les ceintures de chasteté pour hommes semblent avoir émergé. Elles servaient avant tout à des fins médicales, éducatives pour les jeunes adultes, pour limiter la masturbation, les relations sexuelles hors mariage, l’infidélité, et aussi par respect pour Dieu, indépendamment de la religion. Ce don de chasteté, motivé par la vénération de Dieu, incarne un engagement vers une existence plus pure et dévouée.

La pratique de la chasteté est une discipline personnelle fondamentale pour les hommes. La pratique de la chasteté chez les hommes est souvent perçue comme une autodiscipline rigoureuse. La chasteté exige un engagement profond et sincère envers ses propres principes. L’autodiscipline développée par la chasteté masculine peut renforcer la volonté et le caractère.

La flamme réciproque est préservée par la chasteté conjugale, même si uniquement le mari la met en œuvre. Pour l’Église catholique, la chasteté est toujours considérée comme une vertu vitale dans la vie. La chasteté est vue comme un don de soi au Christ, à Dieu et aux autres, ce qui est confirmé par les vies de nombreux saints. Comme le Christ, beaucoup de saints ont associé leur chasteté à une dévotion entière à Dieu. Saint Joseph, mari de la Vierge Marie, est régulièrement mentionné comme un parfait exemple de chasteté conjugale. Selon une anecdote, Saint Bernard de Clairvaux, moine cistercien du XIIe siècle, s’est jeté dans un buisson d’épines pour dominer ses désirs. Avant son appel à une vie de dévouement au Christ et à Dieu, Saint François d’Assise vivait dans le luxe et le plaisir. Après avoir reçu un appel profond de Dieu, Saint François d’Assise se tourna vers la pauvreté et la chasteté. Quand il était jeune, Saint Thomas d’Aquin fut tenté par sa famille qui voulait le détourner de la vie monastique. On raconte que Saint Thomas d’Aquin aurait écarté une femme envoyée pour le séduire avec un tison ardent. Sainte Maria Goretti, âgée de 11 ans, opta pour la mort plutôt que de céder au péché.

La chasteté avant le mariage est souvent considérée comme une pratique vertueuse. Souvent, cette pratique est encouragée par des convictions religieuses ou culturelles. Observer cette norme est souvent considéré comme un indicatif de discipline personnelle. La chasteté avant le mariage est régulièrement traitée dans les programmes éducatifs religieux.

La chasteté avant le mariage est une promesse sérieuse pour un couple, que ce soit en termes religieux ou non. La pureté corporelle avant le mariage est souvent regardée comme un précieux don pour une femme. Dans toutes les traditions religieuses, y compris l’Islam, la virginité de la mariée est une fierté considérable pour elle, sa famille et son mari. Maintenir la chasteté peut être un défi particulièrement ardu pour un garçon. Il est complexe pour un garçon de rester abstinent sexuellement jusqu’à l’union sans des outils comme une cage de chasteté. Ce combat pour la maîtrise de soi montre un amour véritable et prépare le couple à une relation empreinte de respect. La continence avant l’union conjugale ne concerne pas seulement la pureté corporelle, mais aussi une préparation spirituelle pour une relation conjugale plus harmonieuse. En respectant cette voie, on contribue à construire une sexualité robuste pour les futurs époux.

Parcours historique de la chasteté.

Cette pratique actuelle de la chasteté se distingue nettement de celle observée au Moyen Âge. Les femmes faisaient face à un doute plus intense concernant la chasteté à cette époque. Les récits historiques, bien que parfois douteux, décrivent des ceintures de chasteté imposées par les maris aux femmes lorsqu’ils quittaient la maison. Il y a relativement peu de preuves de chasteté réciproque dans les sources historiques.

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#Purity #Culture #Bringing #Sickness #Family #Events #Child #Prefers #Parent

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: all right it’s a Q&A you guys know we love your q&as how you submit the questions to the question box that we link down below this is really a fun time because we get to hear from you guys we get a lot of context for your homes and your lives and we are just so thankful for you as our listeners so if you enjoy this episode share it with a friend give it a thumbs up if you’re on YouTube um subscribe to top five Tuesday if you haven’t already you guys are the ones we want to subscribe to top five Tuesday because top five Tuesday is pretty intimate email where Elisha shares what’s going on in our life on a day-to-day basis and if you’re taking the time to submit a question and share about your family’s life then we’re comfortable sharing ours with you anyways we’re going to get started today we have a couple things we do want to let you know about on the other side of the intro so stay tuned and we’ll see you on the other [Music] side but now that we’re a family podcast all right it is officially the last day this is your last chance Thursday January 2nd is your last chance that’s what the date is right yeah uh is your last opportunity to sign up for the 2025 winter session of the growth initiative it’s a six- week live coaching program for Christian men that are looking to grow in their faith in their marriage in their ability to Father their children and their ability to earn and provide for their family maybe you want to be healthier as well maybe you want to be fit Maybe you want to have the vitality and and energy that you feel like you once had or maybe you want new energy and vitality that you’ve never had before if that if any of those things sound interesting to you check the link below you’ve got a few more hours to sign up for this year’s for this quarters session um it’s a live program you’ll see the times of the calls um you can watch the free Master Class below for kind of some more information and if you’re listening to this after the fact say June 202 there will be a wait list down below and so you can if that sounds interesting to you then you can subscribe to that we’re making no promises if that’s ever opening up again so just enjoy it for what it is if you happen to get in on Thursday and if not there will be a weight list down below or some information on where you can find the growth initiative the next growth initiative coming up also our print magazine is closing we give you a couple more days through the weekend here and then we are closing our annual pre-sale subscriptions for our print magazine so that gives us a few weeks to put it together to get it out to you guys before the spring issue comes out so anyways subscribe for that if you’re interested and there will be a link down below for that as well we can dive into the questions now yeah I’m excited to get some of these questions but I also want to make it known to you Katie and to our listeners we’re not big resolution people we don’t do New Year’s resolutions we’ve talked about this before we set a general direction for different areas of our Liv resolutions um but I am resolved for for this to not do something this year in 2025 I my resolution for 2025 is to not let myself cry while recording a podcast I am done with that that’s well you’re going to fail at that resolution we’ll see I can tell you that right now is that right yeah it’s going to be like every New Year’s resolution if you set a New Year’s resolution you’re basically like destined to fail cuzz like 90% of Hil and the other thing is this just not a resolution we’re setting because we talk about on this podcast things that we care about very deeply and when you care about something super super deeply and you share about it emotions come up yeah it’s true so I just I just don’t know how we’re going to make it through a year without that having okay so some of these questions are um do you really think though that you could stick to that I do I think I’ve actually gotten better like I know I still do it from time to time but I’m able to see it coming a lot sooner and to really get a hold of myself you’re just going to have luk cut it out yeah let it out but you’ll know I mean that’s who I care most about I like when you show emotion so that’s why I’m like not stoked about it I’m not doing this for you or I’m doing it for me I can’t stand myself doing it like I’ve always known you have no issue with it and that you even kind of like it sometimes and that’s that’s just not motivation for me so okay uh uh all right well good luck okay Katie do you have any books that have shaped and influenced your young adult years me try reading that again that was so what what are some books that shaped your young adult years yeah um for sure one of them one of the biggest ones that I read at 14 was beautiful girlhood I talked about this before I need to link it down below the exact book it was just so powerful to me because I was different than all the girls that I knew I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup I wasn’t allowed to go to the things I wasn’t dating I was basically just like a really awkward adolescence and the book spoke to not blossoming too soon and painted this beautiful picture through a story there was lots of things but what stuck with me is there’s a beautiful picture painted through a story of a girl who yeah is totally awkward in those adolescent and then blossoms down the road as a mom and it just stuck in my head anytime I felt like I was behind or not as worldly wise or all those things and it made me okay with it because instead of thinking I’m never going to Blossom ever into this Rose it made me think okay well in due time and um so that was really profound for me another one was with very similar concept was by Louis May Alcott a fiction but called oldfashioned girl same exact concept of a girl who just has a delayed um coming into her own or being appreciated and really stuck with me again in adolescence The Compound Effect was huge I think I read that when I was young teens and I would say that um just in terms of not having a short-term mindset my mindset was still relatively short to where it is now and I hope that my mind set now is short compared to where it will be in the future but The Compound Effect was big nice what about you you were ready with those answers did I say did I say adolesence the top of my head well you said young right I the question says young adult years so I mean to me that’s young adult right adolesence I feel like adolesence 14 and 19 well good for you that let’s do that let’s start viewing that as you I’d rather do that with our boys I got married at 21 so I’m clearly an adult you know like 18 19 20 I always thought young adult was like 18 through I don’t know like 25 or something no that isn’t I mean that that’s probably more accurate that’s definitely not how I viewed myself I had like three kids four kids at 25 I mean you can be a young adult and be married and have children uh you’re just an adult I feel like but yeah okay anyways I like I like that you went to adolescence so maybe I’ll answer that and then maybe you can throw in some young adult books too to answer the question more specifically I’m it right getting feisty toight you know what’s funny is that when you were bringing that up I go ahead all I’m saying is I guess I’ve read like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of books honestly that have impacted my life everyone impacts my life in a certain way yes and you know I read dozens of books like a week yeah quarter I don’t know like I I do through books and they all like stick with me in different ways so I’ve been impacted by a ton those were just kind of I guess it was clear for me to separate out like those are ones when I was younger oh I was actually thrilled with your answer it was really intriguing to me because I haven’t heard you I mean obviously I’ve heard you speak on The Compound Effect but not the other two books and uh and so I’m really glad you answered the way that you answered which just when you were in the middle of your answered I looked begin and I said oh this person asked for young adult years and so anyways your answer was awesome and I I think it was helpful all answer it the same way I mean as best as I can remember so um I’ll say my teenage years how about that okay my teenage years uh you know it’s funny we just were at my parents house I saw up on the on the bookshelf I even open it up and reflected back on it that’s what I you know we go to my childhood home it’s the home I grew up in I have all my memories and a lot of the books are still on the bookshelf which is really fun um but we had that the the Harris brothers do hard things oh yeah I think I was 16 when I read that and loved it you know just was so inspired by that but then it got me to me think got me thinking got to me thinking uh a lot Josh Harris’s books at the same time when I was younger I Kissed Dating Goodbye um which was a big thing obviously that was a bestseller it was everybody was reading that one um that was a big part of my life and I think a lot of I mean just Christian teenage boys you know I was reading that you’re you’re struggling with lust or you’re dealing with it for the first time maybe you want to date you want to be you know in a relationship so that was really I guess influential in my life do you feel like in a in a good way in a bad way like I think in a good way yeah I mean I think I was very much in the whole um Purity culture uh yeah orbit there I guess I was in that culture I should say in the Purity culture with the books the literature you know Every Man’s Battle um was a big one and also something that was really helpful was Michael Pearl’s sin no more book very little book I read that because the thing that was like so defining for me was that like it was just kind of like wow the struggle with lust that felt that was so new when you’re in your team and and yet just dealing with the weight of that and the complexity of that and so I think those again I know everybody has like their negative opinion on Purity culture and obviously Josh Harris you know is not as like you can’t really recommend that guy anymore because he’s deconstructed but I I viewed those books in a positive light okay so I have to stop you there for a second because just to clarify for me what is okay so I know Michael pearls S no more mm super helpful M resource right we still recommend that resource actually it was really helpful for me too as a young adult but what do you mean by I was in Purity culture because clearly we still want our kids to be um you know have a pure be pure like the Christian at every generation is called to walk in Purity right so when you’re saying I was in Purity culture what does that mean our parents were en encouraging us in Purity as Christian parents should yeah uh what does that mean yeah and I it was one of those things I didn’t I’m only saying that retrospectively because now when I hear people reference it I think IA stating goodbye is one of the books that is referenced in that time period I think maybe um uh the the Ludy book um when God writes Your Love Story is another book that’s mentioned in the same um vein and I think there’s a there were a handful of maybe speakers pastors authors that were putting out content in that time frame uh again this is I’m just I haven’t like this is just what I think it is that we’re really encouraging kids to like hey you know don’t don’t date while you’re in high school you don’t go shopping for something when you don’t have the money to buy it uh so don’t go around uh dating or you going to look it up oh no no I like your I like where you’re going okay I just want to know what we’re talking about ma check I was like I didn’t say this is I didn’t say this is what it really is no okay this this comes up so much on our podcast that we it’s like wait what defines because people always talk about purity culture something that was unhelpful or negative I think I think terms that were popularized or coined during that time frame or that are at least are attributed to Purity culture is like every time you date somebody and you break up you give a piece of your heart away to them I think St Concepts like that were popular for my for my at least how I understand it it was popularized in that my church actually did a uh iast stating goodbye study for the for the um the youth there and even though we didn’t really do the youth group we did that Bible study with them once a week and so we went through the questionnaires and we went through the group discussion um and obviously the encouragement for sexual Purity is something that should always be propagated and should be you know encouraged amongst young people and old people alike um and and and I think with it was probably a reaction maybe at some level to the I don’t know the tons of dating going on in churches I don’t know I don’t know what the Purity culture actually if it can be defined if it’s a real thing um but I don’t I don’t say that with like any negative connotation I’m just like I think those things that I was a part of were were what people consider Purity culture yeah totally I’m only bringing this up because I feel like it comes up in our comments anytime we mention Purity and I so I try I’m or we share our love story and we share um you know that it was a desire of ours to be married as virgins or whatever the case may be and it gets thrown in with this like Purity culture thing I’m like what is this like as Christians yes we’re called to Purity so are my kids growing up in Purity culture or or um I think sometimes I hear it talked about like I was promised ex if I did why yeah I think that’s another thing that’s attributed to that that whole maybe that’s like the tainted version of like basically when I hear Purity culture I hear of it as a twisted version of maybe what Biblical teaching about purity is or a misunderstanding and so it’s like if I abstained until marriage then I was going to have great sex life or sin wasn’t you know someone maybe felt like they did all the right things and they got married married and their husband was a porn addict or something and so they felt uh like ripped off or something um because when I look at scripture it’s just like the Bible it’s just trying to follow the biblical path to have sex until you’re married and marri is like well yeah regardless of whether there’s blessing or not in that God just calls us to hey sex is supposed to be between a man and a woman got it so people like tried to give more incentive maybe to young people just be like hey it’s not like just obeying God’s not doing it anymore like well because I look this up online right and it’s like okay abstinence Purity culture encourages young people to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage well like that’s a very secular way to say it but actually God demands that if we’re to walk before him um yeah and not just sexual interourse just sexual activity yeah exactly it’s not the interourse thing too I think that that was also a really maybe blurry line for people it’s like okay I can do up to this line but not past it or this is the sin issue instead of like you said we can sin in our hearts with lust like that would be and that is sin and impurity before God or okay dating Purity culture discourages dating to avoid premarital sex I’m not sure that that’s correct I think that’s well I think that’s the whole premise of I kiss Dating Goodbye is it yeah I never read that uh and and that was something that was definitely taught in our family was it wasn’t we aren’t going to take date so that you don’t have sex before that wasn’t the the goal it was very I don’t know it just seemed so logical and rational to not fall in love with somebody or to not go put yourself in situations where you’re likely to fall in love with somebody if you’re in no position to get married uh if you can’t like financially provide for yourself let alone someone else if you’re not ready ready to start a family um that that that was the reasoning in our home and so when you’re 15 you’re not going to date cuz you’re not ready you know when you’re 17 even at least in our home at least guys like me I wasn’t ready to get married and and so I think it was the same it was the same question that was asked even when we were adults and you know we had we weren’t under our parents’ Authority but if you were 19 and it’s like okay well you don’t have a job right this real good you know you don’t have this like are you sure you should be going into this dating relationship it was just kind of the same thought press process all the way through and then I do think and maybe this came from that that whole movement the Purity culture in these books um was well is it wrong to kiss is it wrong to hold hands is it wrong to snuggle and I my parents never taught that any of those things were wrong they just taught like you want to you want to enter into marriage without uh without having sex before marriage like that’s the goal it’s like to enter into marriage and save sex for the marriage bed and those once you start those things it just makes it more challenging that was all very like rational and logical and and why we didn’t uh or why my parents at least told us not to do those things not that all of us followed you know follow followed that instruction of our parents um and so it wasn’t like you no like you you cross like if you they it was never weird like if you hold hands you’re sinning or if you you know if if like you’re on the couch together and your thighs touch and you kind of like it then it’s probably a sin um they never said that you know no and that’s why I’m trying to separate out why I don’t feel like our homes why I feel like we’ve all had good experiences when I go to your siblings and my siblings overall I would say none of us point back to Purity culture at least this doesn’t come up in our discussions at all with like Purity culture wronged us yeah I feel like we’re all happily married those of us that are married or have been through dating relationships and so I and see a lot of wisdom and things like hey why would you date before like the whole point of dating is to get to know someone to marry them like that’s just wisdom this whole like secular uh entertainment dating or whatever is just like playing with fire and it’s just foolish honestly um so I think there’s a lot of wisdom in that but then okay so you take like the courtship thing and that was probably uh would be determined as a purity culture concept um which again I think there can be wisdom being around people in a public way getting to know each other and then obviously we experienced kind of the downside of that where it’s like well you do need a it’s helpful to develop a relationship one-on-one too right you know um but anyways yeah any I think I mean is there anything else good that you’re looking at oh well I’m just looking down this little list real quick um Purity culture instructs women and girls to dress modestly to avoid arousing sexual urges in men and boys so again I do think this is something that that stemming from a good place and can go both ways right where it’s like yes I do think women should dress modestly and men and it’s we are supposed to honor both genders with our dressing um and also a man’s sexual uh responsibility is his responsibility so it’s like we both play a part in that responsibility and maybe in some churches that responsibility was placed more on one sure the women felt like it gender than the other they they were talked to like it was all their fault um yeah exactly so women would feel shamed if um like it was always the woman’s fault if a man had found her attractive yeah maybe or like SE was sexually appealing sex attracted to her but there’s truth in that too you know what I’m saying I I think both sexes are responsible for both both parties right we’re supposed to consider ourselves and the opposite sex in it’s just like being we’re brothers and sisters in Christ we don’t want to cause anyone else to stumble in anything you know it’s and you also can’t control everyone’s thoughts either so you you can only control your own motives so if you make the mistake of man I didn’t realize this person had this um this I guess shortcoming around alcohol and me drinking in front of them was a huge stumbling block that’s you know you can make that honest mistake but once you know it’s kind of it it would be considerate and a loving thing to do to withhold you know when you’re with that person and so yeah it’s it’s of course we’ve probably caused other people to stumble unknowingly but once you know that it’s like hey if somebody’s like you know what this maybe isn’t the best outfit for this environment because of this that and the other um I think a love and response is kind of like oh okay that’s good to know yeah I’ll be honoring in that situation I’m not going to and this is coming from a guy that that wore really silly inappropriate outfits for much of my life say was probably more modest than I was growing up oh man but it is yeah as the uh gender roles Purity culture emphasizes traditional gender roles so again I would say actually like uh traditional gender roles FY Hoy who cares but a Biblical gender role does matter yeah absolutely when it comes to success in a relationship and enjoyment Purity rings I do think Purity rings have fallen out of popularity MH they were pretty big there for a second yeah I wasn’t ever aware of them um I mean I got three I think I lost all of them oh like what do you mean lost them like literally like one of was PL capsure the flag like fell off didn’t lose the you like didn’t lose the right to wear it yeah this boy that um this boy okay I don’t like where this is going he was he went and rented a um I was like 14 13 and he went and rented a metal detector and looked for like 5 hours for my purity ring oh wow I think he was pretty concerned that if it was gone that wasn’t a good thing right my dad wasn’t concerned at all um anyways it was really sweet what time interactions Purity culture encourages timed physical interactions with the opposite sex W never heard of that I have never heard start a timer honey what does that mean that sounds so creepy it does yeah it’s like nothing like we know we don’t we only have enough self-control for 12 minutes you know and so like after that who knows what’s going to happen and then partner selection Purity culture encouraging is only seeking Partners who are equally yolked like well again that’s a scriptural thing marry someone who is who shares your faith so anyways I see it’s kind of a mixed bag in terms of things where I’m like that is so good and things are probably I agree I it is so hard when there’s these things I think it’s similar to fundamentalism you know when people talk about like fundamentalists um and you go back to like the first time those terms were used in the 19 I think 20s and you look up the distinctives of fundamentalists are like wow this is great this is like Christianity this is really good um but then what people mean by that now might be something completely different um and so I don’t know I I’ve got defining terms is important I’ll say it really is people can mean a lot of different things when they say a term and I feel like Purity culture is one of those where it just it just like encapsulates so many people’s different experiences for the good for the bad yes and you and I have no bitter taste in our mouth at all by our parents being intentional with not doing what secular culture was promoting when it came to relationships and I do think as Christians we should always be doing something different in the culture when it’s coming to uh progressing towards marriage and marriage and all those things because God’s just going to call us to a different standard in relationships yes amen and and yeah there’s a ton of I don’t know we are peculiar people our ways are going to look different than that the vast majority of the rest of the population’s ways um and so and that’s the other thing too is that often times these terms are given by people that were on the outside or or maybe hurt by it it’s like I don’t think anybody that was a part of this was like okay this is we’re creating Purity culture I mean maybe they did they’re kind of like this is Purity culture and they’re establishing it it’s usually you those things usually give see our last podcast on redefining your past yeah yeah but defining terms with any of these things it is just uh just what do you mean by that you know uh it’s inconceivable inconceivable yeah all right speaking of a homeschool reference yeah Purity culture reference yeah that probably princess that movie probably is a part of Purity culture actually culture I don’t know what is okay okay were there any other book sorry I totally derailed that but it’s like it’s come up on the podcast for years and I’ve just never really into it that seemed like a good time to do that uh I can’t remember which books I said yeah the Harris the Harris brothers Josh Harris um Every Man’s Battle Michael Pearl you know sin no more um I loved John Pipers um don’t waste your life I think I was like 18 or 19 around around that time so that was um very influential in my life uh and so again it’s not like I’m recommended these books to everybody now but those were the books that I read at the time and that that really shaped me we had a lot of uh aw toer in our home so the pursuit of God was one that I read in in high school that I really really was encouraged by um John Piper’s Desiring God as well we read at that you know was in our home um I remember that one as well um so those are books I remember having on the bus with me when I would be going to like high school basketball games and so I can pin all of those to to high school to being in high school and reading those that’s awesome um and so anyways yeah good yeah that’s great you didn’t want to share any of your young adult books you’re just going to keep it at adolesence yeah okay my dad hated the term teenager and so he always referred to us as young adults he goes there shouldn’t be teenagers you should just be a young adult I agree I think they actually talk about that in the do hard things book is just the whole invention of like te like adolescence it’s like there was children and there was adults you know um in in the olden days and so maybe we should do that too with our children our adults okay uh how do you handle sickness and and Gatherings during the holidays uh does your family have any rules of coming you know of like coming or and not being sick with children with fevers or freshly vomiting how do you protect your children with gathering with lots of people during the holidays especially with a baby do you ever have to miss holidays because of this issue well that’s a good question um with a baby the nice thing is if you’re breastfeeding with a baby the baby probably is the best immune system out of anybody um and so I’m not usually really concerned about like a nursing infant when it comes to big families I think we have two sides of the family and I I think that this is something that we can just be really considerate in I think we should be considerate not show up at people’s houses with fevers and freshly vomiting kids yeah to me like that drives me nuts when people do that it’s totally inconsiderate in my opinion um to just think it’s not a big deal uh that said I do think we passed our flu on that we got this fall to other families in our community um it lasted like there were we thought we were in the clear and then another baby had it um meaning our baby like days later and so anyways I do feel bad about that but you can’t control someone else’s yeah decisions like I I mean it’s you can only be thoughtful and people will appreciate it that you’re thoughtful I don’t know what happened to like really considerate Christians during the whole covid year because there was the there was obviously that restriction that came from the government where it’s like you can’t be around anyone and you can’t meet in churches anymore and you can’t practice your faith and and all of that and and so people reacted to that you know like usually rightfully so and just being like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa like come on we need to gather and we need to worship but I feel like then there was people that decided to flaunt their showing up places sick yeah it it was like proving like the government can’t yeah exactly I was like no even after that Co was done still to this day where it’s like yeah we’ve got you know the kids have fevers or you know they were thrown up yesterday but we weren’t going to miss this event we weren’t going to miss gathering together with everyone kind like like I’m not I’m not impressed with that honestly like I think people people making a stand during Co was admirable it’s like hey we are going to gather and it’s we’re going to we’re going to do this like that was a cool that was a cool moment but but not if they were sick but not but if they knew they were sick exactly I’m not talking about respect it when people had Co and they were going to event it was Anno that’s how we got Co it was really annoying exactly um and so if you I do think it is just I don’t know consider it to if you know you’re sick like don’t purpose I get that it happens sometimes without you knowing it that’s how sickness is it just is passed around and so it’s not like oh we need to live in fear of like I might be sick and I’d pass it on to somebody else it’s like when you know you’re sick I just feel like it’s really considerate and the other thing is too if you know you’re sick but you really want to go to an event just don’t advertise that you’re sick you know like like don’t don’t let everyone know anyways that’s not answering their question but that is something that like has just been a Marvel to me since Co that continuation of like I’m going to bring my sickness to you because I’m an American and a Christian it’s like who that’s a good thing yeah it’s a good thing I’m like whoa I will say this though um growing up in two sides of the family we had one side of the family my parents were very considerate but it sometimes it would happen at a big family reunion everyone came down with something and um I do think that another way that we extend our Christian Grace and love is not just just freaking out and Ling it over who did this oh yeah who brought the sickness we’re going to just make you feel terrible about yourself and another side of the family did that for whatever reason they needed to find the scapegoat and um I think I think honestly it was people who were kind of sick and wanted to blame it on someone else thought it might have come from them yeah and they just had to make sure that everyone knew it didn’t come from their family and to me there was just no that wasn’t real loving thing to do either it just felt like someone had to be crucified for this sickness and it couldn’t just be like hey we all got together happen to eat too much sugar and stay up too late and we all have the flu um so I think on both sides of the coin there is time for grace and um just considerateness of others and you just do the best you can so in terms of rules I mean I don’t know I don’t know there weren’t like hard and fast rules mm yeah I don’t think there are to this to this day I mean I you know it’s funny I just even think of a family thread um recently and just somebody being like hey so and so is you know can you give us a heads up if there’s any it very much made yeah respiratory stuff like and that and that is something that with the newborn I guess this when I heard flu and and flu and fever I kind of went at this from that angle respiratory stuff obviously super dangerous for a newborn yeah and that was again during that whole Co time too I think people were really sensitive to that with newborns with the Eld and yeah it again that there was such a reaction during that time frame and I think people are still trying to figure out what is like a considerate Christian response to sickness uh and I like I thought that was really natural communication the one I’m talking about you know yeah we’re just kind of like hey can you let me know yeah Elisha’s sister just had a newborn yeah and is saying Hey or was about to have a baby and it’s like hey could anyone let us know if they have respiratory stuff no big deal we’ll just stay back from the family of because we’re about to have a newborn baby and I would say the same thing honestly with chickenpox because I’ve never had chickenpox and um it’s really dangerous for the baby to get it if you’re in the womb and so there have been times and like I’ve made my request known too like hey if anybody I hear chicken pox is going around if anyone has it I’m just going to stay back and I think that that’s no part of me was like what right it was like oh great we’ll let you know the last thing I want to do is be the family that puts your child in the hospital you know so I think that’s a really gracious way too to if you are in a sensitive situation let people know or like hey if anyone has the flu or fever coming to this event could you let us know we’re willing to stay home but like we have a wedding or a trip across the country or something next week and we just really want to make sure we’re in the clear right I think that’s like totally appropriate and gracious and again you’re putting the responsibility on yourself like we’ll come or not come yeah exactly instead of saying stay away you know right so the thoughtful way to do it I think so too cuz there’s been times where we’ve been out of events and people have been joking like oh I think I I think I have Co everybody’s like I mean I don’t know what everybody else is but I’m thinking like dude this is a big work week for me I got like a thousand things going on we had a bunch of stuff to do like I wouldn’t have come like if you want to go out and do your thing but I remember like genuinely being upset and and being like well so so that’s another way to approach it and again I have I always thought that is very very tasteful um way to communicate that makes sense if you feel yeah you got a newborn or if you’re in a vulnerable spot or you don’t want to get sick like get the word out ahead of time and do it in a gracious way and just instead of saying hey don’t come I’m going to hate your guts for the rest of your life be like no big deal we’ll just stay back um even if it is a big deal right okay I saw a question on there oh okay that I thought was good but I think I’ll just paraphrase it okay and that was have we ever had a child that was more of like a daddy’s boy or Daddy’s girl and did that hurt my feelings as a mom and because this mother was experiencing a little kiddo that always wants to go to his daddy and just thinks his daddy’s you know the coolest and she gets her feelings hurt and I could totally see how that could happen we had one child that really preferred Elisha for a period of time and honestly I kind of in my specific situation I didn’t take it personally I saw it as like I needed to connect with that child more and I don’t think this is this is the situation that’s going on here because I kind of resented that child at that time period because he was keeping me up all night like every hour and so I I think he felt from me frustration and and so I needed to work on that thankfully that was years ago we’re good but um I think in most situations that’s a really really really awesome thing and and anytime the kids ask oh I’d rather have Daddy do this or I’m going to ask Daddy this question or whatever I get the bigest smile on my face because I want the kids to know that Daddy is incredible and I want him to be their hero and so I think that’s a beautiful thing like I would encourage it I’d be like yeah your dad’s awesome if you can if he can spare a few minutes you know go to Daddy when you have the OE go to Daddy when you have a hard question go to daddy for his opinion and that’s just going to serve him really well in life and and don’t take it as like oh they don’t love you or they take you for granted they need your love just as much there’s just something special about daddy and that’s a really really beautiful thing yeah I that’s a good way to put it uh I’ve never felt animosity towards you I mean I think our kids have uh actually that’s what am I saying I think I just lied I think I actually have not felt animosity but felt some jealousy um not so I was never blaming anything on you but there were times that I’d come home and I would just be away from the home more than you were and our my kids would have like all these special experiences with you or you were the one that read to them you were the one that did their you know memorization you’re the one that did obviously their math or their crafts and and like that was the highlight and I would try to do something like oh no like we just do that with Mama or no let’s let’s do that with Mama and um but over time I’ve been able to win them over so it’s alling out no I I always thought it was great and I think it’s awesome now when our kids like really want special time with you I’m like man I do not blame you you got special time with one of our boys this morning you uh made a point to single him out he had been asking for it and you went and and ran some errands with just him and he was on Cloud9 when he when you guys returned and that was really fun to see yeah I just see it as a win-win anytime your child is it’s not like you and your husband you’re on the same team and this is the cool thing you want your kids’s ear and if one of you has your child’s ear and your child’s devotion then you both do because you’re both able to speak into his life as you guys are a United friend I think I 100% agree I also think it it es and flows Seasons like you you talked about they come and they go and depending on the development of your child what age they are they are going to gravitate towards you know the male figure in their life and if there’s another season they’re going through they’re going to gravitate and look more to the tender care of their mother uh maybe and I think something that we actually do that can aggravate the situation is we then put we put a title on the kiddo that they end up living into and and so if they’re young say oh well they’re daddy’s boy or they’re a mama’s boy um like you know they’re just they’re they’re they’re stuck their dad they’re his right right-and man that’s such a positive sounding thing but they will really start leaning into it whether or not um it was going to be that way right in in the in the first place and so I I’m a huge fan of putting as few titles on our kids as possible other than like Christian and awesome I’m like okay you’re Christian you’re awesome so no you don’t need to call your kid awesome but but you’re a Christian you know you’re a vurg but I don’t want them to be like oh you’re you know they’re more of the outdoors one or they’re they like being inside they’re just the inside boy with Mama or they like they’re shy they’re shy they’re more outgoing they’re they’re more adventurous they’re more uh you know they’re more prone to they’re inside reader um I want my kids be all those things you know if it’s positive um maybe not shy but I think we can do that with like oh no they’re a total mama’s boy or they’re you know that’s Daddy’s girl like he’s that’s that’s what she is she’s a Tom she’s a tomboy or she likes doing the guy stuff and and they can really live into that well in a in a way that maybe is a little too extreme for what the health the situation is like none of those things are bad things but but if we just keep saying these things then maybe they do so at the expense of a relationship that they could have gotten more out of or again even with the Tomboy thing or whatever that’s not bad to be a tomboy but maybe she would appreciate more feminine things at different stages of her life but her identity is tomboy so she’s going to stick with that you know instead of like both both can serve her so anyways I just I guess I wouldn’t pit yourself against your husband in your own mind um in terms of like uh VY for your child’s attention because your child’s going to feel that stress and that’s just not the way it goes like it’s not you and your husband on on different teams and your kids like kicking a goal over there he’s kicking a goal over here like you’re both cheering for your child your child needs you both and your marriage needs you to be totally in love with your husband United with him and seeing it is a huge win for both of you that your child Ador your his father MH yeah it is if you can it’s a win for you yeah and I’m not saying obviously these are like the most important relationships we have on on Earth our marriage our children and so emotions are going to get involved but as much as you can look at what’s happening and be able to say that’s a good thing like that it is so good that they are really connecting you know with their mother like how cool is it that our kids love being at home with their mother that is good for them that’s good for our home that’s good for us it’s a win for the team uh so to speak and not to say that you shouldn’t like sometimes you I I just get jealous because I like my kids I’m like I want to hang out with them too like I I want to hang out with these guys it’s not that I want like credit or I want to be liked it’s just I want to be with them and um and that’s a good desire it’s like oh my kids are awesome I want to be with them and this is something so the woman who wrote this question or The Listener it was a really little child so I think you know his D’s just you’re home with him all day his dad’s got this extra special spark you know and he’s there um but I do think that this is something that as your kids grow you can also be aligned in with your husband if you feel like okay you know if one of our boys just wants to be around me all the time or if Lucy really wants to be around Elisha all the time we do think that it’s healthy and we want to have inroads both of us to have inroads into our child’s life and so considering that with your husband and being like hey I I feel like someone so’s super attached to you um I don’t feel like my relationship’s really growing with them and then that is a great opportunity for your husband to maybe speak into say your son’s life at six and seven eight years old or whatever and really talk you up or really show him show your son that he values you you know what I’m saying there’s there will be times in our life probably where our boys just really want a masculine figure in their life and I fully expect Elisha to like he does now speak well of me to them and be my Advocate to them and be like no your mom’s not just super annoying like she loves you she’s awesome in these ways um or or consider ways that maybe I could have W onone time with them or or whatever the case may be so you guys are advocates in this journey of both wanting relationship with your kids yeah that’s a good way to view it cuz like you said there’s many there’s going to be those years where especially in adolescence and the teenage years when yeah we already decide that’s not really an age category but if your child if you’re if your young adult happens to be a teenager then uh yeah that’s usually when a lot of those like you know that tension between the mother and the sons can arise and there’s just budding heads and um or we had like a Jacob and Rachel situation you know where it’s like one of the sons just like didn’t want to hang out with Elisha very much I would say okay that’s not what he didn’t want to hang out with Jacob and Rachel right Esau liked right he didn’t want to hang out with his dad with Jacob oh wait I’m I’m getting the generations mixed up I’m I’m talking about it was Esau and Jacob yeah Jacob wanted to hang out with Rachel and Esau wanted to hang out with his dad who was who was their dad Isaac yes yeah so I’m saying if that was a situation that wouldn’t be a healthy dynamic in our home that we’d just consider like oh well he’s just a mama’s boy right it would be like you know I’m I’m saying past toddlerhood okay like as these boys are growing in adolescence it’s like you need your dad’s input and so that would be something that we encourage the other way be like hey like Elisha could you take this son to go do special things with you can you you know that story is so funny that is that story is so funny like when you think just what it’s like you have like the Macho Man character so stereotypical yeah and then you have the like the nerd or the like the the tech bro or something the cook yeah that’s that’s like weakly and kind of like has soft skin they said soft hands and and uh he’s not hairy I think that’s it he wasn’t hairy and uh and and yet he’s the one that’s like canine and it’s just so funny you know like he outwits the other one what a funny story yeah nuts really it is nuts all right any more questions yeah do you think we could do one or another one do you want to do another one one or another one okay do we have enough time what are we at yeah maybe we can do a quick one here Elish and I always disagree on how many questions should be in a Q&A it’s uh it’s not how many questions it’s not how long I think it’s not that’s not what I think it’s we don’t disagree over how many questions we think should it’s how long no we don’t need to we really don’t need to I just kick into like chat mode with q&as like we could be here all night let me find a really boring one here that I’m joking I think I I think I had one oh did you have one on here you want to find yeah go for it h we only have one computer these days so got to pass got to pass the one back and forth yeah exactly lot’s happening on that computer right now cuz it’s it’s recording us we’re passing it back and forth finding the questions it’s it’s working overtime it is over achiever that is working over time yeah Katie’s computer uh bit the dust officially a couple weeks ago and so we wow this is the only device we have we’ve got our dumb phones and then we’ve got one computer that is crazy we’ve been doing that for like I guess two and a half three weeks now we should probably get another computer I know I actually wrote that down to talk to you about today good it’s a good New Year’s olution yeah but then I went back and forth and was thinking uh maybe maybe not okay this one’s just super super simple and maybe boring well you don’t want to make them feel bad for asking the question don’t ask oh no why’ you say that find a different question I mean maybe not of general interest okay then find a different one how about that okay I mean this this okay two super quick practical ones oh my word you’re trying to sneak two more questions in this is how we negotiate no I’m kidding okay they’re really they’re really fast okay do we use booster seats at our kitchen table no I had never heard of that before seeing that question honestly had you did you know people did that no yeah we’ve never done that no we don’t use booster seats our kids just have to sit on their knees I guess yeah okay so that was easy um this is a mom to five kiddos and asked how do you get your children to stop sucking their Thum well you’re the I mean you can answer it but we we do incentivize them we’ve done a few different sometimes the incentive to win a a prize is enough it’s like hey you know if you stop sucking your thumb you get piece of gum um tomorrow morning cuz well during the day you get to monitor it in real time and so you to catch them in the ACT be like hey we’re not doing that anymore yeah get your get your thumb out of your mouth and so you get to monitor them then and it can become an obedience thing and then it becomes a training issue and all of that the time it’s hard to monitor is when they’re in bed right and if that’s a comfort for them um well yeah which it has been for all of our children then it’s a hard habit to break and so we’ve done a handful of things one is you get a piece of gum in the morning if you don’t suck your thumb the way we know whether or not you’ve sucked your thumb is what we will put a sock on the hand that they like to suck on and all of our children have had one thumb that they they suck all of our children have two thumbs fortunately but all of them have you know found a preferred thumb to to uh to go to and we will tie a sock around that hand and not tie a sock we put a sock on the hand and then tape it and we’re able to see with bandage tape with bandage tape and we’re able to see whether the yeah exactly like that gauze type stuff and you’re able to see if that’s taken off um in the morning because they actually can’t put it back on it’s kind of hard to put back on and so they know that we will know yeah so that’s really it it’s usually been about a 5-day process uh the first night or nap is usually the most difficult if they get through that then they’re they can proved in themselves they can do it yeah and so that’s what we do it we incentivize it and then we have accountability with the whole bandage tape thing so we can see what’s going on yeah but it’s not that hard it’s really not um so don’t be afraid to to do it we’ve done this three times now and when Lawrence turns four when a month and a month then it’s his turn so that’s kind of been our time that’s it guys whoa was that that was pretty fast that that was fast people are probably bummed they stick around to listen to those like that was really practical but anyways thank you all so much for listening talk to you next time bye [Music] .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

0.56 all right it&;s a Q&A you guys know we
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0.56 anyways we&;re going to get started today
0.56 we have a couple things we do want to
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0.56 the intro so stay tuned and we&;ll see
0.56 you on the other
0.56 [Music]
0.56 side but now that we&;re a family
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0.56 the questions now yeah I&;m excited to
0.56 get some of these questions but I also
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0.56 to our listeners we&;re not big
0.56 resolution people we don&;t do New Year&;s
0.56 resolutions we&;ve talked about this
0.56 before we set a general direction for
0.56 different areas of our Liv resolutions
0.56 um but I am resolved for for this to not
0.56 do something this year in 2025 I my
0.56 resolution for 2025 is to
0.56 not let myself cry while recording a
0.56 podcast I am done with that that&;s well
0.56 you&;re going to fail at that resolution
0.56 we&;ll see I can tell you that right now
0.56 is that right yeah it&;s going to be like
0.56 every New Year&;s resolution if you set a
0.56 New Year&;s resolution you&;re
0.56 basically like destined to fail cuzz
0.56 like 90% of Hil and the other thing is
0.56 this just not a resolution we&;re setting
0.56 because we talk about on this podcast
0.56 things that we care about very deeply
0.56 and when you care about something super
0.56 super deeply and you share about it
0.56 emotions come up yeah it&;s true so I
0.56 just I just don&;t know how we&;re going
0.56 to make it through a year without that
0.56 having okay so some of these questions
0.56 are um do you really think though that
0.56 you could stick to that I do I think
0.56 I&;ve actually gotten better like I know
0.56 I still do it from time to time but I&;m
0.56 able to see it coming a lot sooner and
0.56 to really get a hold of myself you&;re
0.56 just going to have luk cut it out yeah
0.56 let it out but you&;ll know I mean that&;s
0.56 who I care most about I like when you
0.56 show emotion so that&;s why I&;m like not
0.56 stoked about it I&;m not doing this for
0.56 you or I&;m doing it for me I can&;t stand
0.56 myself doing it like I&;ve always known
0.56 you have no issue with it and that you
0.56 even kind of like it sometimes and
0.56 that&;s that&;s just not motivation for me
0.56 so okay uh uh all right well good luck
0.56 okay Katie do you have any books that
0.56 have shaped and influenced your young
0.56 adult years me try reading that again
0.56 that was so what what are some books
0.56 that shaped your young adult years yeah
0.56 um for sure one of them one of the
0.56 biggest ones that I read at 14 was
0.56 beautiful girlhood I talked about this
0.56 before I need to link it down below the
0.56 exact book it was just so powerful to me
0.56 because I was different than all the
0.56 girls that I knew I wasn&;t allowed to
0.56 wear makeup I wasn&;t allowed to go to
0.56 the things I wasn&;t dating I was
0.56 basically just like a really awkward
0.56 adolescence and the book spoke to not
0.56 blossoming too soon and painted this
0.56 beautiful picture through a story there
0.56 was lots of things but what stuck with
0.56 me is there&;s a beautiful picture
0.56 painted through a story of a girl who
0.56 yeah is totally awkward in those
0.56 adolescent
0.56 and then blossoms down the road as a mom
0.56 and it just stuck in my head anytime I
0.56 felt like I was behind or not as worldly
0.56 wise or all those things and it made me
0.56 okay with it because instead of thinking
0.56 I&;m never going to Blossom ever into
0.56 this Rose it made me think okay well in
0.56 due time and um so that was really
0.56 profound for me another one was with
0.56 very similar concept was by Louis May
0.56 Alcott a fiction but called oldfashioned
0.56 girl same exact concept of a girl who
0.56 just has a
0.56 delayed um coming into her own or being
0.56 appreciated and really stuck with me
0.56 again in adolescence The Compound Effect
0.56 was huge I think I read that when I was
0.56 young teens and I would say that um just
0.56 in terms of not having a short-term
0.56 mindset my mindset was still relatively
0.56 short to where it is now and I hope that
0.56 my mind set now is short compared to
0.56 where it will be in the future but The
0.56 Compound Effect was big nice what about
0.56 you you were ready with those answers
0.56 did I say did I say adolesence the top
0.56 of my head well you said young right I
0.56 the question says young adult years so I
0.56 mean to me that&;s young adult right
0.56 adolesence I feel like adolesence 14 and
0.56 19 well good for you that let&;s do that
0.56 let&;s start viewing that as you I&;d
0.56 rather do that with our boys I got
0.56 married at 21 so I&;m clearly an adult
0.56 you know like 18 19 20 I always thought
0.56 young adult was like 18 through I don&;t
0.56 know like 25 or something no that isn&;t
0.56 I mean that that&;s probably more
0.56 accurate that&;s definitely not how I
0.56 viewed myself I had like three kids four
0.56 kids at 25 I mean you can be a young
0.56 adult and be married and have children
0.56 uh you&;re just an adult I feel like but
0.56 yeah okay anyways I like I like that you
0.56 went to adolescence so maybe I&;ll answer
0.56 that and then maybe you can throw in
0.56 some young adult books too to answer the
0.56 question more specifically
0.56 I&;m it right getting feisty toight you
0.56 know what&;s funny is that when you were
0.56 bringing that up I go ahead all I&;m
0.56 saying is I guess I&;ve read like
0.56 hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of
0.56 books honestly that have impacted my
0.56 life everyone impacts my life in a
0.56 certain way yes and you know I read
0.56 dozens of books like a week yeah quarter
0.56 I don&;t know like I I do through books
0.56 and they all like stick with me in
0.56 different ways so I&;ve been impacted by
0.56 a ton those were just kind of I guess it
0.56 was clear for me to separate out like
0.56 those are ones when I was younger oh I
0.56 was actually thrilled with your answer
0.56 it was really intriguing to me because I
0.56 haven&;t heard you I mean obviously I&;ve
0.56 heard you speak on The Compound Effect
0.56 but not the other two books and uh and
0.56 so I&;m really glad you answered the way
0.56 that you answered which just when you
0.56 were in the middle of your answered I
0.56 looked begin and I said oh this person
0.56 asked for young adult years and so
0.56 anyways your answer was awesome and I I
0.56 think it was helpful all answer it the
0.56 same way I mean as best as I can
0.56 remember so um I&;ll say my teenage years
0.56 how about that okay my teenage years uh
0.56 you know it&;s funny we just were at my
0.56 parents house I saw up on the on the
0.56 bookshelf I even open it up and
0.56 reflected back on it that&;s what I you
0.56 know we go to my childhood home it&;s the
0.56 home I grew up in I have all my memories
0.56 and a lot of the books are still on the
0.56 bookshelf which is really fun um but we
0.56 had that the the Harris brothers do hard
0.56 things oh yeah I think I was 16 when I
0.56 read that and loved it you know just was
0.56 so inspired by that but then it got me
0.56 to me think got me thinking got to me
0.56 thinking uh a lot Josh Harris&;s books at
0.56 the same time when I was younger I
0.56 Kissed Dating Goodbye um which was a big
0.56 thing obviously that was a bestseller it
0.56 was everybody was reading that one um
0.56 that was a big part of my life and I
0.56 think a lot of I mean just Christian
0.56 teenage boys you know I was reading that
0.56 you&;re you&;re struggling with lust or
0.56 you&;re dealing with it for the first
0.56 time maybe you want to date you want to
0.56 be you know in a relationship so that
0.56 was really I guess influential in my
0.56 life do you feel like in a in a good way
0.56 in a bad way like I think in a good way
0.56 yeah I mean I think I was very much in
0.56 the whole um Purity
0.56 culture uh yeah orbit there I guess I
0.56 was in that culture I should say in the
0.56 Purity culture with the books the
0.56 literature you know Every Man&;s Battle
0.56 um was a big one and also something that
0.56 was really helpful was Michael Pearl&;s
0.56 sin no more book very little book I read
0.56 that because the thing that was like so
0.56 defining for me was that like it was
0.56 just kind of like wow the struggle with
0.56 lust that felt that was so new when
0.56 you&;re in your team and and yet just
0.56 dealing with the weight of that and the
0.56 complexity of that and so I think those
0.56 again I know everybody has like their
0.56 negative opinion on Purity culture and
0.56 obviously Josh Harris you know is not as
0.56 like you can&;t really recommend that guy
0.56 anymore because he&;s deconstructed but I
0.56 I viewed those books in a positive light
0.56 okay so I have to stop you there for a
0.56 second because just to clarify for me
0.56 what is okay so I know Michael pearls S
0.56 no more mm super helpful M resource
0.56 right we still recommend that resource
0.56 actually it was really helpful for me
0.56 too as a young adult but what do you
0.56 mean by I was in Purity culture because
0.56 clearly we still want our kids to be um
0.56 you know have a pure be pure like the
0.56 Christian at every generation is called
0.56 to walk in Purity right so when you&;re
0.56 saying I was in Purity culture what does
0.56 that mean our parents were en
0.56 encouraging us in Purity as Christian
0.56 parents should yeah uh what does that
0.56 mean yeah and I it was one of those
0.56 things I didn&;t I&;m only saying that
0.56 retrospectively because now when I hear
0.56 people reference it I think IA stating
0.56 goodbye is one of the books that is
0.56 referenced in that time period I think
0.56 maybe um uh the the Ludy book um when
0.56 God writes Your Love Story is another
0.56 book that&;s mentioned in the same um
0.56 vein and I think there&;s a there were a
0.56 handful of maybe speakers pastors
0.56 authors that were putting out content in
0.56 that time frame uh again this is I&;m
0.56 just I haven&;t like this is just what I
0.56 think it is that we&;re really
0.56 encouraging kids to like hey you know
0.56 don&;t don&;t date while you&;re in high
0.56 school you don&;t go shopping for
0.56 something when you don&;t have the money
0.56 to buy it uh so don&;t go around uh
0.56 dating or you going to look it up oh no
0.56 no I like your I like where you&;re going
0.56 okay I just want to know what we&;re
0.56 talking about ma check I was like I
0.56 didn&;t say this is I didn&;t say this is
0.56 what it really is no okay this this
0.56 comes up so much on our podcast that we
0.56 it&;s like wait what defines because
0.56 people always talk about purity culture
0.56 something that was unhelpful or negative
0.56 I think I think terms that were
0.56 popularized or coined during that time
0.56 frame or that are at least are
0.56 attributed to Purity culture is like
0.56 every time you date somebody and you
0.56 break up you give a piece of your heart
0.56 away to them I think St Concepts like
0.56 that were popular for my for my at least
0.56 how I understand it it was popularized
0.56 in that my church actually did a uh iast
0.56 stating goodbye study for the for the um
0.56 the youth there and even though we
0.56 didn&;t really do the youth group we did
0.56 that Bible study with them once a week
0.56 and so we went through the
0.56 questionnaires and we went through the
0.56 group discussion um and obviously the
0.56 encouragement for sexual Purity is
0.56 something that should always be
0.56 propagated and should be you know
0.56 encouraged amongst young people and old
0.56 people alike um and and and I think with
0.56 it was probably a reaction maybe at some
0.56 level to the I don&;t know the tons of
0.56 dating going on in churches I don&;t know
0.56 I don&;t know what the Purity culture
0.56 actually if it can be defined if it&;s a
0.56 real thing um but I don&;t I don&;t say
0.56 that with like any negative connotation
0.56 I&;m just like I think those things that
0.56 I was a part of
0.56 were were what people consider Purity
0.56 culture yeah totally I&;m only bringing
0.56 this up because I feel like it comes up
0.56 in our comments anytime we mention
0.56 Purity and I so I try I&;m or we share
0.56 our love story and we share um you know
0.56 that it was a desire of ours to be
0.56 married as virgins or whatever the case
0.56 may be and it gets thrown in with this
0.56 like Purity culture thing I&;m like what
0.56 is this like as Christians yes we&;re
0.56 called to Purity so are my kids growing
0.56 up in Purity culture or or um I think
0.56 sometimes I hear it talked about like I
0.56 was promised ex if I did why yeah I
0.56 think that&;s another thing that&;s
0.56 attributed to that that whole maybe
0.56 that&;s like the tainted version of like
0.56 basically when I hear Purity culture I
0.56 hear of it as a twisted
0.56 version of maybe what Biblical teaching
0.56 about purity is or a misunderstanding
0.56 and so it&;s like if I abstained until
0.56 marriage then I was going to have great
0.56 sex life or sin wasn&;t you know someone
0.56 maybe felt like they did all the right
0.56 things and they got married married and
0.56 their husband was a porn addict or
0.56 something and so they felt uh like
0.56 ripped off or something um because when
0.56 I look at
0.56 scripture it&;s just like the Bible it&;s
0.56 just trying to follow the biblical path
0.56 to have sex until you&;re married and
0.56 marri is like well yeah regardless of
0.56 whether there&;s blessing or not in that
0.56 God just calls us to hey sex is supposed
0.56 to be between a man and a woman got it
0.56 so people like tried to give more
0.56 incentive maybe to young people just be
0.56 like hey it&;s not like just obeying
0.56 God&;s not doing it anymore like well
0.56 because I look this up online right and
0.56 it&;s like okay abstinence Purity culture
0.56 encourages young people to abstain from
0.56 sexual intercourse until marriage well
0.56 like that&;s a very secular way to say it
0.56 but actually God demands that if we&;re
0.56 to walk before him um yeah and not just
0.56 sexual interourse just sexual activity
0.56 yeah exactly it&;s not the interourse
0.56 thing too I think that that was also a
0.56 really maybe blurry line for people it&;s
0.56 like okay I can do up to this line but
0.56 not past it or this is the sin issue
0.56 instead of like you said we can sin in
0.56 our hearts with lust like that would be
0.56 and that is sin and impurity before
0.56 God or okay dating Purity culture
0.56 discourages dating to avoid premarital
0.56 sex I&;m not sure that that&;s correct I
0.56 think that&;s well I think that&;s the
0.56 whole premise of I kiss Dating Goodbye
0.56 is it yeah I never read that uh and and
0.56 that was something that was definitely
0.56 taught in our family was it wasn&;t we
0.56 aren&;t going to take date so that you
0.56 don&;t have sex before that wasn&;t the
0.56 the goal it was very I don&;t know it
0.56 just seemed so logical and rational to
0.56 not fall in love with somebody or to not
0.56 go put yourself in situations where
0.56 you&;re likely to fall in love with
0.56 somebody if you&;re in no position to get
0.56 married uh if you can&;t like financially
0.56 provide for yourself let alone someone
0.56 else if you&;re not ready ready to start
0.56 a family um that that that was the
0.56 reasoning in our home and so when you&;re
0.56 15 you&;re not going to date cuz you&;re
0.56 not ready you know when you&;re 17 even
0.56 at least in our home at least guys like
0.56 me I wasn&;t ready to get married and and
0.56 so I think it was the same it was the
0.56 same question that was asked even when
0.56 we were adults and you know we had we
0.56 weren&;t under our parents&; Authority but
0.56 if you were 19 and it&;s like okay well
0.56 you don&;t have a job right this real
0.56 good you know you don&;t have this like
0.56 are you sure you should be going into
0.56 this dating relationship it was just
0.56 kind of the same thought press process
0.56 all the way through and then I do think
0.56 and maybe this came from that that whole
0.56 movement the Purity culture in these
0.56 books um was well is it wrong to kiss is
0.56 it wrong to hold hands is it wrong to
0.56 snuggle and I my parents never taught
0.56 that any of those things were wrong they
0.56 just taught like you want to you want to
0.56 enter into marriage without uh without
0.56 having sex before marriage like that&;s
0.56 the goal it&;s like to enter into
0.56 marriage and save sex for the marriage
0.56 bed and those once you start those
0.56 things it just makes it more challenging
0.56 that was all very like rational and
0.56 logical and and why we didn&;t uh or why
0.56 my parents at least told us not to do
0.56 those things not that all of us followed
0.56 you know follow followed that
0.56 instruction of our parents um and so it
0.56 wasn&;t like you no like you you cross
0.56 like if
0.56 you they it was never weird like if you
0.56 hold hands you&;re sinning or if you you
0.56 know if if like you&;re on the couch
0.56 together and your thighs touch and you
0.56 kind of like it then it&;s probably a sin
0.56 um they never said that you know
0.56 no and that&;s why I&;m trying to separate
0.56 out why I don&;t feel like our homes why
0.56 I feel like we&;ve all had good
0.56 experiences when I go to your siblings
0.56 and my siblings
0.56 overall I would say none of us point
0.56 back to Purity culture at least this
0.56 doesn&;t come up in our discussions at
0.56 all with like Purity culture wronged us
0.56 yeah I feel like we&;re all happily
0.56 married those of us that are married or
0.56 have been through dating relationships
0.56 and so I and see a lot of wisdom and
0.56 things like hey why would you date
0.56 before like the whole point of dating is
0.56 to get to know someone to marry them
0.56 like that&;s just wisdom this whole like
0.56 secular
0.56 uh entertainment dating or whatever is
0.56 just like playing with fire and it&;s
0.56 just foolish honestly um so I think
0.56 there&;s a lot of wisdom in that but then
0.56 okay so you take like the courtship
0.56 thing and that was probably
0.56 uh would be determined as a purity
0.56 culture
0.56 concept um
0.56 which again I think there can be wisdom
0.56 being around people in a public way
0.56 getting to know each other and then
0.56 obviously we experienced kind of the
0.56 downside of that where it&;s like well
0.56 you do need a it&;s helpful to develop a
0.56 relationship one-on-one too right you
0.56 know
0.56 um but anyways yeah any I think I mean
0.56 is there anything else good that you&;re
0.56 looking at oh well I&;m just looking down
0.56 this little list real quick um Purity
0.56 culture instructs women and girls to
0.56 dress modestly to avoid arousing sexual
0.56 urges in men and boys so again I do
0.56 think this is something that that
0.56 stemming from a good place and can go
0.56 both ways right where it&;s like yes I do
0.56 think women should dress modestly and
0.56 men and it&;s we are supposed to honor
0.56 both genders with our dressing um and
0.56 also a man&;s
0.56 sexual uh responsibility is his
0.56 responsibility so it&;s like we both play
0.56 a part in that responsibility and maybe
0.56 in some churches that responsibility was
0.56 placed more on one sure the women felt
0.56 like it gender than the other they they
0.56 were talked to like it was all their
0.56 fault um yeah exactly so women would
0.56 feel shamed if um like it was always the
0.56 woman&;s fault if a man had found her
0.56 attractive yeah maybe or like SE was
0.56 sexually appealing sex attracted to her
0.56 but there&;s truth in that too you know
0.56 what I&;m saying I I think both sexes are
0.56 responsible
0.56 for both both parties right we&;re
0.56 supposed to consider ourselves and the
0.56 opposite sex in it&;s just like being
0.56 we&;re brothers and sisters in Christ we
0.56 don&;t want to cause anyone else to
0.56 stumble in anything you know it&;s and
0.56 you also can&;t control everyone&;s
0.56 thoughts either so you you can only
0.56 control your own motives so if you make
0.56 the mistake of man I didn&;t realize this
0.56 person had this um this I guess
0.56 shortcoming around alcohol and me
0.56 drinking in front of them was a huge
0.56 stumbling block that&;s you know you can
0.56 make that honest mistake but once you
0.56 know it&;s kind of it it would be
0.56 considerate and a loving thing to do to
0.56 withhold you know when you&;re with that
0.56 person and so yeah it&;s it&;s of course
0.56 we&;ve probably caused other people to
0.56 stumble unknowingly but once you know
0.56 that it&;s like hey if somebody&;s like
0.56 you know what this maybe isn&;t the best
0.56 outfit for this environment because of
0.56 this that and the other um I think a
0.56 love and response is kind of like oh
0.56 okay that&;s good to know yeah I&;ll be
0.56 honoring in that situation I&;m not going
0.56 to and this is coming from a guy that
0.56 that wore really silly inappropriate
0.56 outfits for much of my life say was
0.56 probably more modest than I was growing
0.56 up oh
0.56 man but it is yeah as the uh gender
0.56 roles Purity culture emphasizes
0.56 traditional gender roles so again I
0.56 would
0.56 say actually like uh traditional gender
0.56 roles FY Hoy who cares but a Biblical
0.56 gender role does matter yeah absolutely
0.56 when it comes to success in a
0.56 relationship and enjoyment Purity rings
0.56 I do think Purity rings have fallen out
0.56 of popularity MH they were pretty big
0.56 there for a second yeah I wasn&;t ever
0.56 aware of them um I mean I got three I
0.56 think I lost all of them oh like what do
0.56 you mean lost them like literally like
0.56 one of was PL capsure the flag like fell
0.56 off didn&;t lose the you like didn&;t lose
0.56 the right to wear it yeah this boy that
0.56 um this boy okay I don&;t like where this
0.56 is going he was he went and rented a um
0.56 I was like 14 13 and he went and rented
0.56 a metal detector and looked for like 5
0.56 hours for my purity ring oh wow I think
0.56 he was pretty concerned that if it was
0.56 gone that wasn&;t a good thing right my
0.56 dad wasn&;t concerned at
0.56 all um anyways it was really
0.56 sweet what time interactions Purity
0.56 culture encourages timed physical
0.56 interactions with the opposite sex W
0.56 never heard of that I have never heard
0.56 start a timer
0.56 honey what does that mean that sounds so
0.56 creepy it does yeah it&;s like nothing
0.56 like we know we don&;t we only have
0.56 enough self-control for 12 minutes you
0.56 know and so like after that who knows
0.56 what&;s going to
0.56 happen and then partner selection Purity
0.56 culture encouraging is only seeking
0.56 Partners who are equally yolked like
0.56 well again that&;s a
0.56 scriptural thing marry someone who is
0.56 who shares your faith so anyways I see
0.56 it&;s kind of a mixed bag in terms of
0.56 things where I&;m like that is so good
0.56 and things are probably I agree I it is
0.56 so hard when there&;s these things I
0.56 think it&;s similar to fundamentalism you
0.56 know when people talk about like
0.56 fundamentalists um and you go back to
0.56 like the first time those terms were
0.56 used in the 19 I think 20s and you look
0.56 up the distinctives of fundamentalists
0.56 are like wow this is great this is like
0.56 Christianity this is really good um but
0.56 then what people mean by that now might
0.56 be something completely different um and
0.56 so I don&;t know I I&;ve got defining
0.56 terms is important I&;ll say it really is
0.56 people can mean a lot of different
0.56 things when they say a term and I feel
0.56 like Purity culture is one of those
0.56 where it just it just like encapsulates
0.56 so many people&;s different experiences
0.56 for the good for the bad yes and you and
0.56 I have no bitter taste in our mouth at
0.56 all by our parents being intentional
0.56 with not doing what secular culture was
0.56 promoting when it came to relationships
0.56 and I do think as Christians we should
0.56 always be doing something different in
0.56 the culture when it&;s coming to uh
0.56 progressing towards marriage and
0.56 marriage and all those things because
0.56 God&;s just going to call us to a
0.56 different standard in relationships yes
0.56 amen and and yeah there&;s a ton of I
0.56 don&;t know we are peculiar people our
0.56 ways are going to look different than
0.56 that the vast majority of the rest of
0.56 the population&;s ways um and so and
0.56 that&;s the other thing too is that often
0.56 times these terms are given by people
0.56 that were on the outside or or maybe
0.56 hurt by it it&;s like I don&;t think
0.56 anybody that was a part of this was like
0.56 okay this is we&;re creating Purity
0.56 culture I mean maybe they did they&;re
0.56 kind of like this is Purity culture and
0.56 they&;re establishing it it&;s usually you
0.56 those things usually give see our last
0.56 podcast on redefining your past yeah
0.56 yeah but defining terms with any of
0.56 these things it is just uh just what do
0.56 you mean by that you know uh it&;s
0.56 inconceivable inconceivable yeah all
0.56 right speaking of a homeschool reference
0.56 yeah Purity culture reference yeah that
0.56 probably princess that movie probably is
0.56 a part of Purity culture actually
0.56 culture I don&;t know what
0.56 is okay okay were there any other book
0.56 sorry I totally derailed that but it&;s
0.56 like it&;s come up on the podcast for
0.56 years and I&;ve just never really into it
0.56 that seemed like a good time to do that
0.56 uh I can&;t remember which books I said
0.56 yeah the Harris the Harris brothers Josh
0.56 Harris um Every Man&;s Battle Michael
0.56 Pearl you know sin no more um I loved
0.56 John Pipers um don&;t waste your life I
0.56 think I was like 18 or 19 around around
0.56 that time so that was um very
0.56 influential in my life uh and so again
0.56 it&;s not like I&;m recommended these
0.56 books to everybody now but those were
0.56 the books that I read at the time and
0.56 that that really shaped me we had a lot
0.56 of uh aw toer in our home so the pursuit
0.56 of God was one that I read in in high
0.56 school that I really really was
0.56 encouraged by um John Piper&;s Desiring
0.56 God as well we read at that you know was
0.56 in our home um I remember that one as
0.56 well um so those are books I remember
0.56 having on the bus with me when I would
0.56 be going to like high school basketball
0.56 games and so I can pin all of those to
0.56 to high school to being in high school
0.56 and reading those that&;s awesome um and
0.56 so anyways yeah good yeah that&;s great
0.56 you didn&;t want to share any of your
0.56 young adult books you&;re just going to
0.56 keep it at adolesence
0.56 yeah okay my dad hated the term teenager
0.56 and so he always referred to us as young
0.56 adults he goes there shouldn&;t be
0.56 teenagers you should just be a young
0.56 adult I agree I think they actually talk
0.56 about that in the do hard things book is
0.56 just the whole invention of like te like
0.56 adolescence it&;s like there was children
0.56 and there was adults you know um in in
0.56 the olden days and so maybe we should do
0.56 that too with our children our adults
0.56 okay uh
0.56 how do you handle sickness and and
0.56 Gatherings during the holidays uh does
0.56 your family have any rules of coming you
0.56 know of like coming or and not being
0.56 sick with children with fevers or
0.56 freshly vomiting how do you protect your
0.56 children with gathering with lots of
0.56 people during the holidays especially
0.56 with a baby do you ever have to miss
0.56 holidays because of this
0.56 issue well that&;s a good question um
0.56 with a baby the nice thing is if you&;re
0.56 breastfeeding with a baby the baby
0.56 probably is the best immune system out
0.56 of anybody
0.56 um and so I&;m not usually really
0.56 concerned about like a nursing infant
0.56 when it comes to big families I think we
0.56 have two sides of the family and
0.56 I I think that this is something that we
0.56 can just be really considerate in I
0.56 think we should be considerate not show
0.56 up at people&;s houses with fevers and
0.56 freshly vomiting kids yeah to me like
0.56 that drives me nuts when people do that
0.56 it&;s totally inconsiderate in my opinion
0.56 um to just think it&;s not a big deal uh
0.56 that said I do think we passed our flu
0.56 on that we got this fall to other
0.56 families in our community um it lasted
0.56 like there were we thought we were in
0.56 the clear and then another baby had it
0.56 um meaning our baby like days later and
0.56 so anyways I do feel bad about
0.56 that but you can&;t control someone
0.56 else&;s yeah decisions like I I mean it&;s
0.56 you can only be thoughtful and people
0.56 will appreciate it that you&;re
0.56 thoughtful I don&;t know what happened to
0.56 like really considerate Christians
0.56 during the whole covid year because
0.56 there was the there was obviously that
0.56 restriction that came from the
0.56 government where it&;s like you can&;t be
0.56 around anyone and you can&;t meet in
0.56 churches anymore and you can&;t practice
0.56 your faith and and all of that and and
0.56 so people reacted to that you know like
0.56 usually rightfully so and just being
0.56 like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa like come
0.56 on we need to gather and we need to
0.56 worship but I feel like then there was
0.56 people that decided to flaunt their
0.56 showing up places sick yeah it it was
0.56 like proving like the government can&;t
0.56 yeah exactly I was like no even after
0.56 that Co was done still to this day where
0.56 it&;s like yeah we&;ve got you know the
0.56 kids have fevers or you know they were
0.56 thrown up yesterday but we weren&;t going
0.56 to miss this event we weren&;t going to
0.56 miss gathering together with everyone
0.56 kind like like I&;m not I&;m not impressed
0.56 with that honestly like I think people
0.56 people making a stand during Co was
0.56 admirable it&;s like hey we are going to
0.56 gather and it&;s we&;re going to we&;re
0.56 going to do this like that was a cool
0.56 that was a cool moment but but not if
0.56 they were sick but not but if they knew
0.56 they were sick exactly I&;m not talking
0.56 about respect it when people had Co and
0.56 they were going to event it was Anno
0.56 that&;s how we got Co it was really
0.56 annoying exactly um and so if you I do
0.56 think it is just I don&;t know consider
0.56 it to if you know you&;re sick like don&;t
0.56 purpose I get that it happens sometimes
0.56 without you knowing it that&;s how
0.56 sickness is it just is passed around and
0.56 so it&;s not like oh we need to live in
0.56 fear of like I might be sick and I&;d
0.56 pass it on to somebody else it&;s like
0.56 when you know you&;re sick I just feel
0.56 like it&;s really considerate and the
0.56 other thing is too if you know you&;re
0.56 sick but you really want to go to an
0.56 event just don&;t advertise that you&;re
0.56 sick you know like like don&;t don&;t let
0.56 everyone know anyways that&;s not
0.56 answering their question but that is
0.56 something that like has just been a
0.56 Marvel to me since Co that continuation
0.56 of like I&;m going to bring my sickness
0.56 to you because I&;m an American and a
0.56 Christian it&;s like who that&;s a good
0.56 thing yeah it&;s a good thing I&;m like
0.56 whoa I will say this though um growing
0.56 up in two sides of the family we had one
0.56 side of the family my parents were very
0.56 considerate but it sometimes it would
0.56 happen at a big family reunion everyone
0.56 came down with something and um I do
0.56 think that another way that we extend
0.56 our Christian Grace and love is not just
0.56 just freaking out and Ling it over who
0.56 did this oh yeah who brought the
0.56 sickness we&;re going to just make you
0.56 feel terrible about yourself and another
0.56 side of the family did that for whatever
0.56 reason they needed to find the
0.56 scapegoat and um I think I think
0.56 honestly it was people who were kind of
0.56 sick and wanted to blame it on someone
0.56 else thought it might have come from
0.56 them yeah and they just had to make sure
0.56 that everyone knew it didn&;t come from
0.56 their family and to me there was just no
0.56 that wasn&;t real loving thing to do
0.56 either it just felt like someone had to
0.56 be crucified for this sickness and it
0.56 couldn&;t just be like hey we all got
0.56 together happen to eat too much sugar
0.56 and stay up too late and we all have the
0.56 flu um so I think on both sides of the
0.56 coin there is time for grace and um just
0.56 considerateness of others and you just
0.56 do the best you can so in terms of rules
0.56 I mean I don&;t know I don&;t know there
0.56 weren&;t like hard and fast rules mm yeah
0.56 I don&;t think there are to this to this
0.56 day I mean I you know it&;s funny I just
0.56 even think of a family thread um
0.56 recently and just somebody being like
0.56 hey so and so is you know can you give
0.56 us a heads up if there&;s any it very
0.56 much made yeah respiratory stuff like
0.56 and that and that is something that with
0.56 the newborn I guess this when I heard
0.56 flu and and flu and fever I kind of went
0.56 at this from that angle respiratory
0.56 stuff obviously super dangerous for a
0.56 newborn yeah and that was again during
0.56 that whole Co time too I think people
0.56 were really sensitive to that with
0.56 newborns with the Eld
0.56 and yeah it again that there was such a
0.56 reaction during that time frame and I
0.56 think people are still trying to figure
0.56 out what is like a considerate Christian
0.56 response to sickness uh and I like I
0.56 thought that was really natural
0.56 communication the one I&;m talking about
0.56 you know yeah we&;re just kind of like
0.56 hey can you let me know yeah Elisha&;s
0.56 sister just had a newborn yeah and is
0.56 saying Hey or was about to have a baby
0.56 and it&;s like hey could anyone let us
0.56 know if they have respiratory stuff no
0.56 big deal we&;ll just stay back from the
0.56 family of because we&;re about to have a
0.56 newborn baby and I would say the same
0.56 thing honestly with chickenpox because
0.56 I&;ve never had
0.56 chickenpox and um it&;s really dangerous
0.56 for the baby to get it if you&;re in the
0.56 womb and so there have been times and
0.56 like I&;ve made my request known too like
0.56 hey if anybody I hear chicken pox is
0.56 going around if anyone has it I&;m just
0.56 going to stay back and I think that
0.56 that&;s no part of me was like what right
0.56 it was like oh great we&;ll let you know
0.56 the last thing I want to do is be the
0.56 family that puts your child in the
0.56 hospital you know so I think that&;s a
0.56 really gracious way too to if you are in
0.56 a sensitive situation let people know or
0.56 like hey if anyone has the flu or fever
0.56 coming to this event could you let us
0.56 know we&;re willing to stay home but like
0.56 we have a wedding or a trip across the
0.56 country or something next week and we
0.56 just really want to make sure we&;re in
0.56 the clear right I think that&;s like
0.56 totally appropriate and gracious and
0.56 again you&;re putting the responsibility
0.56 on yourself like we&;ll come or not come
0.56 yeah exactly instead of saying stay away
0.56 you know right so the thoughtful way to
0.56 do it I think so too cuz there&;s been
0.56 times where we&;ve been out of events and
0.56 people have been joking like oh I think
0.56 I I think I have Co everybody&;s like I
0.56 mean I don&;t know what everybody else is
0.56 but I&;m thinking like dude this is a big
0.56 work week for me I got like a thousand
0.56 things going on we had a bunch of stuff
0.56 to do like I wouldn&;t have come like if
0.56 you want to go out and do your thing but
0.56 I remember like genuinely being upset
0.56 and and being like well so so that&;s
0.56 another way to approach it and again I
0.56 have I always thought that is very very
0.56 tasteful um way to communicate that
0.56 makes sense if you feel yeah you got a
0.56 newborn or if you&;re in a vulnerable
0.56 spot or you don&;t want to get sick like
0.56 get the word out ahead of time and do it
0.56 in a gracious way and just instead of
0.56 saying hey don&;t come I&;m going to hate
0.56 your guts for the rest of your life be
0.56 like no big deal we&;ll just stay back um
0.56 even if it is a big deal
0.56 right okay I saw a question on there oh
0.56 okay that I thought was good but I think
0.56 I&;ll just paraphrase it okay and that
0.56 was have we ever had a child that was
0.56 more of like a daddy&;s boy or Daddy&;s
0.56 girl
0.56 and did that hurt my feelings as a
0.56 mom and because this mother was
0.56 experiencing a little kiddo that always
0.56 wants to go to his daddy and just thinks
0.56 his daddy&;s you know the coolest and she
0.56 gets her feelings hurt and I could
0.56 totally see how that could happen we had
0.56 one child that really preferred Elisha
0.56 for a period of time and honestly I kind
0.56 of in my specific situation I didn&;t
0.56 take it personally I saw it as like I
0.56 needed to connect with that child more
0.56 and I don&;t think this is this is the
0.56 situation that&;s going on here because I
0.56 kind of resented that child at that time
0.56 period because he was keeping me up all
0.56 night like every hour and so I I think
0.56 he felt from me frustration and
0.56 and so I needed to work on that
0.56 thankfully that was years ago we&;re good
0.56 but um I think in most situations that&;s
0.56 a really really really awesome thing and
0.56 and anytime the kids ask oh I&;d rather
0.56 have Daddy do this or I&;m going to ask
0.56 Daddy this question or whatever I get
0.56 the bigest smile on my face because I
0.56 want the kids to know that Daddy is
0.56 incredible and I want him to be their
0.56 hero and so I think that&;s a beautiful
0.56 thing like I would encourage it I&;d be
0.56 like yeah your dad&;s awesome if you can
0.56 if he can spare a few minutes you know
0.56 go to Daddy when you have the OE go to
0.56 Daddy when you have a hard question go
0.56 to daddy for his opinion and that&;s just
0.56 going to serve him really well in life
0.56 and and don&;t take it as like oh they
0.56 don&;t love you or they take you for
0.56 granted they need your love just as much
0.56 there&;s just something special about
0.56 daddy and that&;s a really really
0.56 beautiful thing
0.56 yeah I that&;s a good way to put it uh
0.56 I&;ve never felt animosity towards you I
0.56 mean I think our kids have uh actually
0.56 that&;s what am I saying I think I just
0.56 lied I think I actually have not felt
0.56 animosity but felt some jealousy um not
0.56 so I was never blaming anything on you
0.56 but there were times that I&;d come home
0.56 and I would just be away from the home
0.56 more than you were and our my kids would
0.56 have like all these special experiences
0.56 with you or you were the one that read
0.56 to them you were the one that did their
0.56 you know memorization you&;re the one
0.56 that did obviously their math or their
0.56 crafts and and like that was the
0.56 highlight and I would try to do
0.56 something like oh no like we just do
0.56 that with Mama or no let&;s let&;s do that
0.56 with Mama and um but over time I&;ve been
0.56 able to win them over so it&;s alling out
0.56 no I I always thought it was great and I
0.56 think it&;s awesome now when our kids
0.56 like really want special time with you
0.56 I&;m like man I do not blame you you got
0.56 special time with one of our boys this
0.56 morning you uh made a point to single
0.56 him out he had been asking for it and
0.56 you went and and ran some errands with
0.56 just him and he was on Cloud9 when he
0.56 when you guys returned and that was
0.56 really fun to see yeah I just see it as
0.56 a win-win anytime your child is it&;s not
0.56 like you and your husband you&;re on the
0.56 same team and this is the cool thing you
0.56 want your kids&;s ear and if one of you
0.56 has your child&;s ear and your child&;s
0.56 devotion then you both do because you&;re
0.56 both able to speak into his life as you
0.56 guys are a United friend I think I 100%
0.56 agree I also think it it es and flows
0.56 Seasons like you you talked about they
0.56 come and they go and depending on the
0.56 development of your child what age they
0.56 are they are going to gravitate towards
0.56 you know the male figure in their life
0.56 and if there&;s another season they&;re
0.56 going through they&;re going to gravitate
0.56 and look more to the tender care of
0.56 their mother uh maybe and I think
0.56 something that we actually do that can
0.56 aggravate the situation is we then put
0.56 we put a title on the kiddo that they
0.56 end up living into and and so if they&;re
0.56 young say oh well they&;re daddy&;s boy or
0.56 they&;re a mama&;s boy um like you know
0.56 they&;re just they&;re they&;re they&;re
0.56 stuck their dad they&;re his right
0.56 right-and man that&;s such a positive
0.56 sounding thing but they will really
0.56 start leaning into it whether or not um
0.56 it was going to be that way right in in
0.56 the in the first place and so I I&;m a
0.56 huge fan of putting as few titles on our
0.56 kids as possible other than like
0.56 Christian and awesome I&;m like okay
0.56 you&;re Christian you&;re awesome so no
0.56 you don&;t need to call your kid awesome
0.56 but but you&;re a Christian you know
0.56 you&;re a vurg but I don&;t want them to
0.56 be like oh you&;re you know they&;re more
0.56 of the outdoors one or they&;re they like
0.56 being inside they&;re just the inside boy
0.56 with Mama or they like they&;re shy
0.56 they&;re shy they&;re more outgoing
0.56 they&;re they&;re more adventurous they&;re
0.56 more uh you know they&;re more prone to
0.56 they&;re inside reader um I want my kids
0.56 be all those things you know if it&;s
0.56 positive um maybe not shy but I think we
0.56 can do that with like oh no they&;re a
0.56 total mama&;s boy or they&;re you know
0.56 that&;s Daddy&;s girl like he&;s that&;s
0.56 that&;s what she is she&;s a Tom she&;s a
0.56 tomboy or she likes doing the guy stuff
0.56 and and they can really live into that
0.56 well in a in a way that maybe is a
0.56 little too extreme for what the health
0.56 the situation is like none of those
0.56 things are bad things but but if we just
0.56 keep saying these things then maybe they
0.56 do so at the expense of a relationship
0.56 that they could have gotten more out of
0.56 or again even with the Tomboy thing or
0.56 whatever that&;s not bad to be a tomboy
0.56 but maybe she would appreciate more
0.56 feminine things at different stages of
0.56 her life but her identity is tomboy so
0.56 she&;s going to stick with that you know
0.56 instead of like both both can serve her
0.56 so anyways I just I guess I wouldn&;t pit
0.56 yourself against your husband in your
0.56 own mind
0.56 um in terms of like uh VY for your
0.56 child&;s attention because your child&;s
0.56 going to feel that stress and that&;s
0.56 just not the way it goes like it&;s not
0.56 you and your husband on on different
0.56 teams and your kids like kicking a goal
0.56 over there he&;s kicking a goal over here
0.56 like you&;re both cheering for your child
0.56 your child needs you both and your
0.56 marriage needs you to be totally in love
0.56 with your husband United with him and
0.56 seeing it is a huge win for both of you
0.56 that your child Ador your his father MH
0.56 yeah it is if you can it&;s a win for you
0.56 yeah and I&;m not saying obviously these
0.56 are like the most important
0.56 relationships we have on on Earth our
0.56 marriage our children and so emotions
0.56 are going to get involved but as much as
0.56 you can look at what&;s happening and be
0.56 able to say that&;s a good thing like
0.56 that it is so good that they are really
0.56 connecting you know with their mother
0.56 like how cool is it that our kids love
0.56 being at home with their mother that is
0.56 good for them that&;s good for our home
0.56 that&;s good for us it&;s a win for the
0.56 team uh so to speak and not to say that
0.56 you shouldn&;t like sometimes you I I
0.56 just get jealous because I like my kids
0.56 I&;m like I want to hang out with them
0.56 too like I I want to hang out with these
0.56 guys it&;s not that I want like credit or
0.56 I want to be liked it&;s just I want to
0.56 be with them and um and that&;s a good
0.56 desire it&;s like oh my kids are awesome
0.56 I want to be with them and this is
0.56 something so the woman who wrote this
0.56 question or The Listener it was a really
0.56 little child so I think you know his D&;s
0.56 just you&;re home with him all day his
0.56 dad&;s got this extra special spark you
0.56 know and he&;s there um but I do think
0.56 that this is something that as your kids
0.56 grow you can also be aligned in with
0.56 your husband if you feel like okay you
0.56 know if one of our boys just wants to be
0.56 around me all the time or if Lucy really
0.56 wants to be around Elisha all the time
0.56 we do think that it&;s healthy and we
0.56 want to have inroads both of us to have
0.56 inroads into our child&;s life and so
0.56 considering that with your husband and
0.56 being like hey I I feel like someone
0.56 so&;s super attached to you um I don&;t
0.56 feel like my relationship&;s really
0.56 growing with them and then that is a
0.56 great opportunity
0.56 for your husband to maybe speak into say
0.56 your son&;s life at six and seven eight
0.56 years old or whatever and really talk
0.56 you up or really show him show your son
0.56 that he values you you know what I&;m
0.56 saying there&;s there will be times in
0.56 our life probably where our boys just
0.56 really want a masculine figure in their
0.56 life and I fully expect Elisha to like
0.56 he does now speak well of me to them and
0.56 be my Advocate to them and be like no
0.56 your mom&;s not just super annoying like
0.56 she loves you she&;s awesome in these
0.56 ways um or or consider ways that maybe I
0.56 could have W onone time with them or or
0.56 whatever the case may be so you guys are
0.56 advocates in this journey of both
0.56 wanting relationship with your kids yeah
0.56 that&;s a good way to view it cuz like
0.56 you said there&;s many there&;s going to
0.56 be those years where especially in
0.56 adolescence and the teenage years when
0.56 yeah we already decide that&;s not really
0.56 an age category but if your child if
0.56 you&;re if your young adult happens to be
0.56 a
0.56 teenager then uh yeah that&;s usually
0.56 when a lot of those like you know that
0.56 tension between the mother and the sons
0.56 can arise and there&;s just budding heads
0.56 and um or we had like a Jacob and Rachel
0.56 situation you know where it&;s like one
0.56 of the sons just like didn&;t want
0.56 to hang out with Elisha very
0.56 much I would say okay that&;s not what he
0.56 didn&;t want to hang out with Jacob and
0.56 Rachel right Esau liked right he didn&;t
0.56 want to hang out with his dad with Jacob
0.56 oh wait I&;m I&;m getting the generations
0.56 mixed up I&;m I&;m talking
0.56 about it was Esau and Jacob yeah Jacob
0.56 wanted to hang out with Rachel and Esau
0.56 wanted to hang out with his dad who was
0.56 who was their dad Isaac yes yeah so I&;m
0.56 saying if that was a situation that
0.56 wouldn&;t be a healthy dynamic in our
0.56 home that we&;d just consider like oh
0.56 well he&;s just a mama&;s boy right it
0.56 would be like you know I&;m I&;m saying
0.56 past toddlerhood okay like as these boys
0.56 are growing in adolescence it&;s like you
0.56 need your dad&;s input and so that would
0.56 be something that we encourage the other
0.56 way be like hey like Elisha could you
0.56 take this son to go do special things
0.56 with you can you you know that story is
0.56 so funny that is that story is so funny
0.56 like when you think just what it&;s like
0.56 you have like the Macho Man character so
0.56 stereotypical yeah and then you have the
0.56 like the nerd or the like the the tech
0.56 bro or something the cook yeah that&;s
0.56 that&;s like weakly and kind of like has
0.56 soft skin they said soft hands and and
0.56 uh he&;s not hairy I think that&;s it he
0.56 wasn&;t hairy and uh and and yet he&;s the
0.56 one that&;s like canine and it&;s just so
0.56 funny you know like he outwits the other
0.56 one what a funny story
0.56 yeah nuts really it is nuts all right
0.56 any more
0.56 questions yeah do you think we could do
0.56 one or another one do you want to do
0.56 another one one or another one okay do
0.56 we have enough time what are we at yeah
0.56 maybe we can do a quick one here Elish
0.56 and I always disagree on how many
0.56 questions should be in a
0.56 Q&A it&;s
0.56 uh it&;s not how many questions it&;s not
0.56 how long I think it&;s not that&;s not
0.56 what I think it&;s we don&;t disagree over
0.56 how many questions we think should it&;s
0.56 how long
0.56 no we don&;t need to we really don&;t need
0.56 to I just kick into like chat mode with
0.56 q&as like we could be here all night let
0.56 me find a really boring one here that
0.56 I&;m joking I think I I think I had one
0.56 oh did you have one on here you want to
0.56 find yeah go for it h we only have one
0.56 computer these days so got to pass got
0.56 to pass the one back and forth yeah
0.56 exactly lot&;s happening on that computer
0.56 right now cuz it&;s it&;s recording us
0.56 we&;re passing it back and forth finding
0.56 the questions it&;s it&;s working overtime
0.56 it is over achiever that is working over
0.56 time yeah Katie&;s computer uh bit the
0.56 dust officially a couple weeks ago and
0.56 so we wow this is the
0.56 only device we have we&;ve got our dumb
0.56 phones and then we&;ve got one computer
0.56 that is crazy we&;ve been doing that for
0.56 like I guess two and a half three weeks
0.56 now we should probably get another
0.56 computer I know I actually wrote that
0.56 down to talk to you about today good
0.56 it&;s a good New Year&;s olution yeah but
0.56 then I went back and forth and was
0.56 thinking uh maybe maybe
0.56 not
0.56 okay this one&;s just super super simple
0.56 and maybe boring well you don&;t want to
0.56 make them feel bad for asking the
0.56 question don&;t ask oh no why&; you say
0.56 that find a different
0.56 question I mean maybe not of general
0.56 interest okay then find a different one
0.56 how about that okay I mean this this
0.56 okay two super quick practical ones oh
0.56 my word you&;re trying to sneak two more
0.56 questions
0.56 in this is how we
0.56 negotiate no I&;m kidding okay they&;re
0.56 really they&;re really fast okay do we
0.56 use booster seats at our kitchen table
0.56 no I had never heard of that before
0.56 seeing that question honestly had you
0.56 did you know people did that no yeah
0.56 we&;ve never done that no we don&;t use
0.56 booster seats our kids just have to sit
0.56 on their knees I guess yeah
0.56 okay so that was
0.56 easy um this is a mom to five kiddos and
0.56 asked how do you get your children to
0.56 stop sucking their Thum well you&;re the
0.56 I mean you can answer it but we we do
0.56 incentivize them we&;ve done a few
0.56 different sometimes the incentive to win
0.56 a a prize is enough it&;s like hey you
0.56 know if you stop sucking your thumb you
0.56 get piece of gum um tomorrow morning cuz
0.56 well during the day you get to monitor
0.56 it in real time and so you to catch them
0.56 in the ACT be like hey we&;re not doing
0.56 that anymore yeah get your get your
0.56 thumb out of your mouth and so you get
0.56 to monitor them then and it can become
0.56 an obedience thing and then it becomes a
0.56 training issue and all of that the time
0.56 it&;s hard to monitor is when they&;re in
0.56 bed right and if that&;s a comfort for
0.56 them um well yeah which it has been for
0.56 all of our children then it&;s a hard
0.56 habit to break and so we&;ve done a
0.56 handful of things one is you get a piece
0.56 of gum in the morning if you don&;t suck
0.56 your thumb the way we know whether or
0.56 not you&;ve sucked your thumb is what we
0.56 will put a sock on the hand that they
0.56 like to suck on and all of our children
0.56 have had one thumb that they they suck
0.56 all of our children have two thumbs
0.56 fortunately but all of them have you
0.56 know found a preferred thumb to to uh to
0.56 go to and we will tie a sock around that
0.56 hand and not tie a sock we put a sock on
0.56 the hand and then tape it and we&;re able
0.56 to see with bandage tape with bandage
0.56 tape and we&;re able to see whether the
0.56 yeah exactly like that gauze type stuff
0.56 and you&;re able to see if that&;s taken
0.56 off um in the morning because they
0.56 actually can&;t put it back on it&;s kind
0.56 of hard to put back on and so they know
0.56 that we will know yeah so that&;s really
0.56 it it&;s usually been about a 5-day
0.56 process uh the first night or nap is
0.56 usually the most difficult if they get
0.56 through that then they&;re they can
0.56 proved in themselves they can do it yeah
0.56 and so that&;s what we do it we
0.56 incentivize it and then we have
0.56 accountability with the whole bandage
0.56 tape thing so we can see what&;s going on
0.56 yeah but it&;s not that hard it&;s really
0.56 not um so don&;t be afraid to to do it
0.56 we&;ve done this three times now and when
0.56 Lawrence turns four when a month and a
0.56 month then it&;s his turn so that&;s kind
0.56 of been our
0.56 time that&;s it guys whoa was that that
0.56 was pretty fast that that was fast
0.56 people are probably bummed they stick
0.56 around to listen to
0.56 those like that was really practical but
0.56 anyways thank you all so much for
0.56 listening talk to you next time bye
0.56 [Music]
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