Un contenu sur «masturbate» à découvrir sur YouTube

We Got Balls présente une vidéo sur « masturbate »

Cette vidéo a été partagée sur YouTube par We Got Balls
portant sur « masturbate »:

À la date de notre découverte, cette vidéo captait l’attention. Le compteur de Likes indiquait: 330.

#110) ainsi que l’auteur, suivis de la description :« Rejoignez le podcast We Got Balls pour les conférences brutes, réelles sur la sexualité des hommes, le lien masculin et la croissance personnelle! Nous plongeons dans des sujets tabous comme la masturbation, la honte sexuelle et la vulnérabilité, créant une communauté pour les hommes 18-60 pour se connecter et se développer. Pas de jugement, juste des conversations honnêtes qui redéfinissent la masculinité. Streams en direct: les mercredis et vendredis à 12 h (EST) – Jumez pour des questions de questions-réponses et des discussions audacieuses! Visite: wegotballspod.com pour un contenu exclusif. Coaching avec Chris Inman: https://calendly.com/chris-sexcessfulmen/30-minute-meeting?month=2025-04 Coaching avec Scott Cone: https://calendly.com/sexcessfulmen/30-minute-introductory-consultation-miet Commentaires, et rejoignez la communauté FreeBaller! #MensSexuality #MasturbationMyths #SEXUALWELLING #MenspodcastLive #SEXEducation #MaleHealth #Liveqanda ».

Sur YouTube, les utilisateurs peuvent partager des vidéos qui abordent une gamme de sujets variés, allant de l’éducation à des intérêts personnels, dans un cadre où la sécurité, l’anonymat et la diversité sont des priorités. Chaque vidéo peut offrir une perspective unique tout en restant fidèle aux normes communautaires.

Sexualité épanouie : surmonter le défi de la masturbation

Nombreux sont ceux qui trouvent difficile d’arrêter la masturbation, une pratique habituellement perçue comme normale et bénéfique pour la sexualité. Pourtant, quand elle devient excessive ou addictive, elle peut perturber des aspects importants de la vie, comme le travail, la stabilité émotionnelle ou les interactions sociales.

Identifier les raisons de l’élargissement de cette pratique

Examiner les aspects psychiques et émotionnels

Le stress, l’anxiété ou l’insatisfaction générale peuvent pousser à une pratique fréquente dans ce domaine.

Analyser les conséquences de la pornographie sur les comportements

La pornographie joue un rôle déterminant. Elle suscite souvent le besoin de se masturber et peut altérer la vision de la sexualité.

Explorer le lien entre la solitude et le désir

La solitude et le désir non satisfait, dans un couple ou dans la vie personnelle, sont des facteurs qui renforcent cette pratique.

Faire le point sur la dépendance à la masturbation et ses conséquences

Analyser les indices d’une dépendance potentielle

Lorsque la masturbation devient instinctive, elle est souvent marquée par une fréquence élevée et un contrôle insuffisant, ce qui peut perturber les relations amoureuses et affectives.

Enquêter sur les effets sur la santé psychique et corporelle

L’abus de masturbation et la consommation compulsive de pornographie stimulent de manière constante le système dopaminergique, ce qui peut causer des troubles comme une éjaculation précoce, une baisse d’énergie et une insatisfaction sexuelle.

Faire le point sur la masturbation et les habitudes qui y sont liées

Souvent associée à des bienfaits comme une gestion accrue du stress et une meilleure compréhension de son corps, la masturbation, lorsqu’elle est habituelle, peut engendrer certains problèmes.

Évaluer les répercussions positives d’un arrêt réussi

Montrer le processus pour atteindre une satisfaction durable

En réduisant la dépendance, des améliorations durables peuvent être observées dans les sphères personnelle, professionnelle et sociale.

Expliquer l’amélioration progressive de la santé mentale

La cessation de cette habitude conduit généralement à une hausse de l’énergie, à une humeur améliorée et à une concentration renforcée.

Présenter les changements bénéfiques dans les relations sociales

Les relations de couple deviennent plus satisfaisantes, avec une plus grande complicité émotionnelle et physique.

Élaborer une méthode pour mettre fin à cette habitude

Recommander des méthodes adaptées pour limiter cette activité

• Définir des objectifs précis : Optez pour des actions progressives ou adoptez le mouvement « nofap » pour un sevrage complet.
• Repérer les déclencheurs : Identifiez ce qui vous pousse à avoir envie.
• Repérer les déclencheurs d’envie : Identifiez les situations qui provoquent ce besoin.

Mettre en avant des actions à entreprendre pour éviter les rechutes

• Créer un emploi du temps quotidien : Inscrivez des tâches et activités à réaliser chaque jour.
• Limiter l’accès à la pornographie : Utilisez des filtres et bloqueurs pour restreindre l’accès aux contenus inappropriés.

Valoriser le soutien des proches dans ce processus

• Discuter avec un sexologue : Un expert en la matière pourra vous aider à avancer. c’est le cas de l’équipe de chastete.fr installé en France.
• Rejoindre des groupes de soutien : Partager ses objectifs avec d’autres aide à rester motivé.

Pour conclure

Cesser la masturbation habituelle nécessite du temps et de la détermination. En adoptant un plan bien conçu et avec un soutien approprié, ce défi peut être relevé, ouvrant la voie à une vie plus équilibrée et centrée sur des objectifs significatifs.

Voici le lien pour voir la vidéo sur YouTube :
la publication originale: Cliquer ici

#Live #Mythes #masturbation #vous #devez #savoir

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: Hey, hey, hey. [Music] [Music] Heat. Heat. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. [Music] [Applause] [Music] David Long’s here. Hello. What’s up, guys? Welcome back. Sorry we weren’t here last Friday. had a great time in Nashville with a bunch of men, some of whom are on this live. Hello. Hello, friends. Yes, you’re here. Um, want to welcome you into We Got Balls Wednesday. Uh, welcome Manny, welcome Jim. Thank you guys for supporting us. Uh, so grateful to be with you. And of course, today we are talking about the thing that all of us do. Scott, you did some research. How many what percentage of guys uh are masturbating these days? Well, you kind of blew my load, so to speak, right before we started because you like I had this whole introduction planned. It’s all over. Cut. We’re going to redo it. No, redo it. Redo it. Take it from the top. Oh man. So, what you meant to say was uh we’re going to talk today about something that pretty much every man does according to Reason Research, and that is choke his chicken, masturbate, jerk, bounce the wobbly warhead. Yeah. Eat the meat. I don’t know. Whatever. Whatever you want to say. Yeah. So, um here we go, fellas. We’re going to talk about masturbation myths busted. Nut busting masturb. We should have called it nut busting masturbation myth myths. Don’t you think? Well, you know, we are mythbusters. That’s We are mythbusters in this in this field for sure. We’re also nutbusters according to the research as I just mentioned. That’s it. We do. We do. So fellas, we’re glad you’re here. If you have questions about masturbation, uh, myths or, uh, any questions about masturbation, put them in the chat, please. We’d be happy to address those questions as we go throughout the day or the We’re not doing this for a whole day. I mean, for the hour. Yeah, we’re doing it for the hour. That’s enough. So, um, all right, Chris, where do you want to start? I don’t know. Let’s Let’s start about the data. Um, well, first of all, I think we need to talk about, as always, our ma our opinion on masturbation is neutral. We are neither pro nor con. And we’ll talk about some things on the episode today that seem like we’re very pro masturbation. We’ll talk about some things on the episode that may seem like we’re against masturbation. We just want to establish from the very top that we are supportive of you as a man in your journey and your sexuality to find a sense of peace and purpose with the values that align with you. So, if you’re like, I don’t want to masturbate ever in my life, well, great. Good for you. Let’s help you figure out how you can do that. And if you’re like, I would like to spank that monkey every day. That’s been a bad bad monkey. Every single day, we’re going to spank that monkey. Then good for you, my friend. God bless you on your journey of monkey chasing monkey span. So, oh my gosh, we’re a bunch of teenagers today. So, um let’s let me just modify a little bit about you said what you said. We’re neither pro nor con on masturbation. What I would like to say is we are this on masturb. We are we are for this when it comes to masturbation. We are for kindness. Yes. And curiosity. Yes. and compassion when it comes to whatever masturbation habit you may have. Very true. And I’m I’m going to I’m going to take this back to kind of the fundamental aspects of masturbation. Let me just state this from the get-go. Baby boys and girls masturbate while they’re in their mother’s wombs. This has been filmed with ultrasound technology. That is not a myth. That is a true statement. True fact. That’s a true statement. So, a masturbation starts early in our lives. It picks up in puberty, although it can happen a lot more frequently earlier than puberty. And that’s something to be curious about in your life if you have that. And of course, but when your sex hormones kick in at 600% above where they have been as a little boy and you start to develop a man’s body, you’re going to start to have spontaneous erections. You’re going to notice that it feels good to touch your penis when it’s hard. And you keep doing that and something’s gonna happen to your body and that’s where most guys discover masturbation if they haven’t had any good sexual education. So we’ll talk about that and then it kind of continues throughout our lives even when you’re married. Married men masturbate and it’s going to go till probably the day you die. So it’s something that’s going to be with you and you have to reckon with it and you have to think about it. And I think our invitation today is what we’re inviting you to do is as we kind of bust some of these myths about masturbation is enter into your sexual story around masturbation great degree of kindness and compassion and curiosity and um maybe use this to engage some parts of your story that you haven’t really thought about. And so the invitation here is intentionality. Yes. And that’s the first thing I’ll say about masturbation is before we get into the myths is so many of us masturbate mindlessly or without really thinking about it in a self-reflective way. And as we know Chris from the neuroscience that we’ve studied, the one thing the one thing you can do to really bring about change in your life is actually to reflect on yourself. people that reflect on themselves, whether that’s through writing or through talking with other people or through storytelling, telling your stories of your life. Um, just taking time to actually think about you and be intentional about paying attention to what’s going on in your life or what’s occurred in your life has a great benefit for bringing about change in your life, but also being a more compassionate person. Yep. And so that’s our invitation today is to think about masturbation. Let’s just take an hour or so and be intentional about thinking about masturbation and the role that it’s played in my life and why it’s played that role and and uh maybe some of the myths that have grown up around masturbating that have caused me to feel shame or become confused or whatever. So that’s our invitation today. So, so, so guys, if you’ve got questions about this topic, uh, I don’t think we’ve ever done a live episode on masturbation, Scott. So, here’s your chance, boys. Here’s your chance. Put your questions in the chat. Let us know what you’re thinking. Give us your comments. Smash that like button as well. We’d appreciate you letting YouTube know that you value what we’re doing here and so they could promote it to guys just like you. So, the very first thing I want to go after, Scott, I want to go after that nofap community. Have you ever heard of the nofap community? have heard the nofap community. I’m not a big f no nofap fan but okay so it the one of the big myths of masturbation is that it drains your energy and there’s some spiritual or cultural traditions that have claimed this but the reality is there’s no biological basis for this. Nothing biologically says that your energy will be drained if you masturbate. So what what do you think about that statement? Yeah. So I know where that’s coming from because I’ve actually studied that not not the nofap but you know this is called this is the semen retention community as the broader category. It’s based on tantric practices and toism and so it has religious roots in uh eastern spiritual traditions. And the idea is that when a man ejaculates, he’s losing some of his life force. So shooting semen out your penis makes you begin to age and die and so on and so forth. So there is no evidence of that whatsoever. You can have the religious tradition if you want to, but there is nothing that uh is going to happen that’s bad to your body by ejaculating because that’s what your body is designed to do. So, it’d be like um saying, « Well, it’s good to to not uh blow snot out of your nose when you have a stuffed up nose or or you need to retain feces in your body when you need to take a feel an urge to take a No, no, no, no, no, please. Yeah. So, well, and a and a sister myth to that is that you shouldn’t masturbate before you have a like a sporting activity or something that you’re trying to exert a lot of energy because that’s going to drain. That’s kind of the same idea that you’re going to drain your your energy, drain your mojo before you have to exert it in a way that’s really intentional. So, that’s actually been studied. Um, okay. Yeah, they’ve actually done studies on athletes where guys in the Olympics, they would masturbate before they went out and performed and and then they would have a control group that wouldn’t masturbate and there was no difference in athletic performance. there there actually may have been a little more boost to guys who masturbated within a certain time period because um one of the other myths I’ll just jump forward to the myth is masturbation lowers your testosterone level. Well, it does shortly after you ejaculate, but that’s momentary and then it’s going to boost back up because your body naturally wants to uh regenerate more sperm and then have you ejaculate again because this feels good in the body, right? And so your body wants to and your brain wants to repeat this activity over and over again. That’s normal adult sexuality. So, um, so yeah, there’s no myth to that. Well, it doesn’t drain my vitality. It doesn’t cut my athletic performance. It doesn’t Now, let me just say, we’re talking about kind of regular uh jump in the shower, toss one off, or masturbate a couple times a week behavior. If you’re masturbating compulsively. Well, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Don’t go. Don’t don’t don’t bury that lead too much because there’s some some myths that we need to dispel before we uh get that out there because one of the myths that it Well, we’ll do it right now. It says masturbation turns you into a pervert or a sex addict. Masturbation uh uh is a normal part of sexual activity for most people. It doesn’t make you a deviant. So, if we’re dealing with compulsive masturbation though, we might have that problem. There might be an issue that needs to be. So, how do you divide between I masturbate and that’s just part of my daily life and it’s I have a rhythm with it or I need this. I have to have this in order to be okay. Okay. So, I think it starts with the question, why do you masturbate? And notice that I’m asking it as a question, not an accusation. And that is an important distinction. How does that sound differently? Here’s an accusation. Why do you masturbate? Right. Do you hear the energy in that? I like versus why do you masturbate, Chris? It’s a great question, Scott. I don’t know. Tell Let’s talk about it because I haven’t ever been curious about that. I just get to a place in my life where I think, hey, it’s time to do this activity. It’s time to toss one off. And so, let’s go. And All right. Can I Can I join you in that vulnerability with the guys here? I’ll I’ll be happy to explore this with you. curiously too and myself. So, let’s make a re let’s make a list. Let’s just take a minute or two and list out the reasons why you masturbate or why you have masturbated in the past. Yes. It says to go to sleep. Um, absolutely. To relieve stress. Yes. Um, to deal with some suppressed emotion that I don’t know what to do with. I’ve got And what would those emotions be? Oh, they could be anxiety. They could be sadness. They could be um anger. They could be a number of things. Yeah. I’ve masturbated out of anger. I’ve masturbated because I feel shame and I want to get rid of the feeling of shame. I’ve masturbated because I’m angry with myself and I go masturbate because it convinces me that I’m a bad person and I can’t control myself. I’ve masturbated when I’m sad. So typically the big emotions, the big not feelgood emotions in my body, anger, fear, sadness, shame. I’ve masturbated in all those emotional states. Yeah. Robert says, « Just for fun. » I mean, there is fun. There is a playfulness to it sometimes. For sure. Um, I’ve done it because I’m horny. Like, let’s talk about that. What does it mean that I’m You’re horny, Scott. That’s a Nobody’s ever been that way. Okay. So, usually this occurs like if I wake up with an erection and it’s really hard and then I feel like why are you laughing at me? I’m being very hard and and then I don’t do anything with it. But I feel like I’m I’m not I feel like like I feel like something’s got to get out of me, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so I have this sense of pressure in my genitals and in my lower body that feels like it’s not like like there’s a movement stuck in me like like I want to make a physical thing happen and it’s been prevented from happening and it’s kind of stuck in my body. That that to me is stuckness. That’s what horniness is, is stuckness in your body. Well, that’s that’s one degree. So, now that I’m really talking about this out loud, that is one version of horniness. The other one is a horniness where I just I I just want to uh Oh, I I’ll be really vulnerable about this. When I was just going into puberty, I hadn’t masturbated yet, but one day I took a nap and I woke up and my penis was really hard and I had this feeling of like I just need to stick that in something. And I wasn’t I didn’t even know what masturbation was. And so I went and got we had in our refrigerator one of those egg cartons that was, you know, the the paper kind. Yep. and I stuck my penis in through the egg carton thing to try to jam it in because I had this feeling of wanting to penetrate something. I can’t describe it in anything other than that. And I was only in sixth grade. So, that’s it. Hey, Scott 69 viewers. Glad y’all are here. Woo! We hit the magic number. All right, guys. Smashing smash that like button and remind YouTube why we’re here and and recruit some guys to join us by hitting that like button. You can help us out. And so I’m gonna some of the guys are chiming in. So Jason 84 says, « Man, I do get the urge after lifting weights. » So yes. Yes. That’s true. After athletic performance, there’s a surge of testosterone or exuberance or Yeah, I’ve done that before. Um, what else? What? So B7 brings up a great myth about masturbation. I’m a practicing Catholic and the Catholic church considers masturbation a mortal sin that must be confessed in the sacrament of confession. Thus, I live in guilt and shame the majority of the time. So, does masturbation mean I will be cursed or punished by God and even go to hell? Not to me. It doesn’t. Okay. Yeah. So, you differ with the Catholic Church in their I differ with the Catholic Church. Um, and I understand the Catholic Church’s argument, and this goes back, and a lot of uh conservative Protestant churches have this view, too, that the purpose of um sex is always to take place between a man and a woman. And I would say, well, then God screwed up when he made wet dreams. Yeah. And procreation. It always has to result in making a child. And for a child. So when I have a wet dream then am I sinning? And of course the Catholic Church doesn’t believe a wet dream is sinful. Or if you have a spontaneous emission of semen that’s not sinful either but that’s not creating anything. So what is the sin? Is the sin the sin of orgasm or the sin of ejaculation? I’m not sure what the sin is. However, um I don’t think I think the bigger concern that I would have is if you feel shame about doing this or you have that religious tradition which reinforces a shameful view of masturbation, then of course it’s not going to be all that helpful to masturbate. You’re going to feel you’re going to feel more shame about it. But I don’t believe the um I I’m not sure how that doctrine came into the Catholic Church in the first place. There is an evolution of that doctrine over time in in the history of Christianity. Well, I can tell you where it came in. It’s the sin of Onan. You made a mess on the ground. You did not use your seed um in a way. That’s the interpretation of why it’s the way it is. But I don’t know when that sin of Onan view was linked to masturbation because the sin of Onan has nothing to do with masturbation. I’m aware old Augustine screwed us again. Was it Augustine? It was that shameful sex. Son of a [ __ ] He had some good theology in other areas, but dude, he was messed up in his sexual and anthropological theology. So, um, the sin of Onan, just for the those of you guys that don’t know, is one of the um I forget whose son it was, but um oh, is one of Judah’s sons, wasn’t it? So yeah, in in the biblical days, this is in Genesis, um the tradition was if you were married and you died, one of your brothers would marry your wife and father children for you. And the reason for this, the reason for this is so that you wouldn’t be destitute as a woman and have to resort to either begging or prostitution to survive. Yep. So there was a kindness in the tradition. It’s not a command. I don’t believe in Genesis. I don’t believe it’s a Levitical command. Not a commandment. It’s a tradition. So it’s a tradition that was developed. Now in the interpretation of how this works in Judah’s line, there was one of his sons died and one of his daughters was um supposed to be have sex with. I’m short this up for you because you’re take you’re you’re stretching it out. short his brother his brother instead of having sex with his brother’s wife Onan decided he would pull out and spill his seed on the ground and so called the sin of Onan and God was angry at him because he did not fulfill the tradition to help further his uh brother’s name in line. So that was taken and used out of context as masturbation is a sin and always forbidden by God and just given a blanket statement over there when in actuality what’s taking place is Onan is using this woman for his own sexual pleasure and objectifying her and doesn’t really give a crap about caring for her needs. So that’s the sin of Onan, not ejaculating on the ground. But that’s was that’s the view that was adopted in this very truncated view of theology. So, I don’t know what you do with that if you’re going to a church that reinforces that other just then just decide, well, thank you for your interpretation of that scripture, but I don’t agree with it. Um, I don’t think you’re allowed to do that traditionally in Catholicism because church tradition kind of trumps your own interpretation. That’s why Protestants protest it. So, but Protestants have their own popes, too. Oh, we have our own hang-ups around masturbation and it ain’t got nothing to do with procreation or as David C says uh the sin has fallen into our worlds fall short of unity with anyone which is not who God intended. So that’s, you know, it’s supposed to be with sex between a man and a woman only is the only approvable sexual practice. And so that doesn’t mention making babies, but that’s their implication. David, let’s just And Manny H makes a great point here that says, « In my religious experience, masturbation is viewed as a sinful act. However, the Bible, to my knowledge, does not mention it. » And that is correct. The word masturbation is never used in the Bible at all. It may be only alluded to twice that I’m aware of. So Yes, indeed. All right, so other guys are saying when my partner is not in the mood. Oh, that’s a great that’s a great thing. Do is that something that is healthy to masturbate when your partner is not in the mood? Well, okay, we could ask. It depends. I think the answer to a lot of these questions is is it depends. like it’s circumstantial or situational or um subjective, right? If if my wife is suffering from a physical illness which makes intercourse or any sexual activity undoable for her for whatever reason, is it wrong to masturbate to uh just have some pleasure every once in a while? I don’t think so. Um, I think probably you should talk to your spouse about that and say, « Do you mind if I masturbate? » But no. Or or if you’re on extended travel and you you’re gone traveling for business for an extended period of time or something like that or you’re deployed in the military, is it wrong to mate? Like we had one of the guys in here said they would have masturbation contest in the military and who came last won. So came last not first. Okay. Came last. You’re strut. You’re trying to stretch it out, Chris. That’s the goal. So, all right. Um, yeah, I think a lot of these are situational. What do you think? Well, I would say that the the biggest piece about partnership and masturbation is that I think it does over time become a shortcut for uh sex on demand, which is I want my sexual needs fulfilled. Now, this goes back to this misunderstanding of sex as a need, which a lot of people have, I think, where they say, you know, I have a right and I have a need for sex and so I’m going to get it. If I can’t get it with my partner, I’m going to get it with myself. This is going to be solo sex for me. And that is where I really uh struggle because then you’re taking sex away from its as we’ve defined before its intended purpose which is to connect and to create a very deep experience of connection. So if I don’t especially as I get older if I have if I masturbate I don’t really want to have sex with my partner for a while maybe a day or two. I mean that’s just how the body works. So now I’ve kind of blown that blown that chance and now I don’t have anything um to to show for that if my partner were to be interested. And just to be clear on the on the masturbation issue regarding the Catholic Church, our friend David C corrects us. Thank you, David. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states the sin is that in our fallen world it falls short of the unity with other with the other which was which God intended by sex. It doesn’t mention baby making. I already I already mentioned that. Yeah. Oh, you did? I’m sorry. I did. Yeah, it’s all right. So, yeah. So, for for us, is is that something that is a deal breaker to say, listen, my partner’s not in the mood? I mean, for me, that’s something I really think about when I when I was considering masturbating was, do I want to do I want to waste this opportunity or can I just wait? Can I just be patient? Do I have to fulfill this need now or is there some other way to fulfill this need that might actually allow me to be present with my partner when she’s ready? Yes. And and I think that goes back to the broader issue of the question is why do you masturbate? The curiosity of that. So that’s why we’re trying to fill out this list and think about why we why we do it. What are the things we tell us that we do it? And one of the biggest reasons I think we have to admit is we use it to regulate our emotions and to not sit with our unpleasant feelings in our body. Yeah. Yeah. Because nobody sat with us in those unpleasant feelings when we were children. So we don’t know how to tolerate distress. And that’s the truth. So here’s a myth that needs to be confronted in that in that vein. Masturbation causes depression and loneliness. Well, again, it can, but it’s not the act itself. It’s how you’re doing it. Yeah. So, the neuroscience on this is if you are masturbating in a way that creates a supernormal stimulus. A supernormal stimulus is any kind of sexual stimulation that exceeds what you would normally experience. So, um, for example, I remember this really, it seems kind of funny, but it wasn’t funny for the guy. This young guy learned how to masturbate by he had a chin-up bar that he put between his door frame. Uhhuh. And he would wear those kind of gravity boots that you have hooks on them. Where’s this going? I want to know. To hang upside down naked. Y and he would get an erection. And then the way he would masturbate is he would bang his penis on the door frame until he ejaculated. Oh wow. That is a unique way. Now that’s a supernormal stimulus because the way he’s stimulating his penis is intense and way more intense than just stroking it with his hand. Right. Yeah. And so he got so acclimated and conditioned by the way he was seeking how to have an orgasm that he could literally not orgasm without doing that over and over again. So is that helpful? I don’t think that’s helpful. He felt a lot of shame about it. It’s kind of an unusual way to orgasm. Um you know and there are lots of ways that guys do this. So, there’s this thing on the internet called the penis death grip syndrome where guys masturbate so vigorously and so frequently that their penis becomes desensitized and the only way they can orgasm. I was just talking to a guy last night. He cannot have sex with his girlfriend, but he can masturbate and have an orgas he can have sex with his girlfriend, but he can’t orgasm, but he can have an orgasm when he masturbates. super part of part of my argument for is is solo sex really the best sex because solo sex uh means that I determine the pressure and the the sensation on my penis when I’m masturbating and I don’t have the opportunity to really match that like who who can match the grip of of your own hand in another person’s orphice or even in a with a [ __ ] it’s just it’s just a totally different sensation I’m training myself that I see only way I can come to climax. That that is correct. So So you know if you want to have intercourse with your partner, your hand is going to feel always going to feel different than a vagina or an anus, depending on how you want to have intercourse. So you’re acclimating yourself to that behavior. And that’s the danger of a supernormal stimulus. Also, if you’re watching porn, most men are watching porn when they’re masturbating. So, they’re not fantasizing so much as they’re being lazy with their fantasy and they’re just checking out and becoming kind of a voyer in how they’re finding arousal. Well, supernormal stimuluses occur with group sex and all the kinds of different variations of porn that’s offered out there and it’s not like partnered sex either. So, that’s where that becomes harmful. Um, and then the frequency of time. Like there are a lot of guys that I know that will masturbate seven times a day. And if you’re expecting to have sex with your partner seven times a day and have that continue for years, I think you’re setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment because most partners are not going to be able to sustain that level of arousal. Well, and and at what level does it become hypersexuality? At what point were you like, listen, and I don’t know if we can put a number on it. But if you’re saying I need to have it x many times a day or x many times a week, this is what it means for me to be fulfilled, satisfied, which is again back to that thing, sex is a need. Is it really a need or is it something that you’re you’ve used to cope with life? I mean, that’s a great uh distinction is what do you need in your life to live? Is it sex? Is that something that you really need or is it just a perk that you’re um able to enjoy connecting with others? So So I’m going to come down on the side that sex is a need. It is a fundamental need because there’s a brain circuit devoted to sexual lust just like there is to care just like there is to play just like there is to seeking. Those are fundamental human needs. Sex the need or the connection the need it is sexual lust is the circuit. It is a drive to connect sexually with another person because fundamentally that drive is designed to further the species. Now the issue is how do I go about doing that? That’s where it becomes addictive. Like food is a need. You cannot live without food. Can you live without sex? Yes, but the human species can’t. Well, you as an individual can, but we as a collective cannot live without sex. That they Okay. Procreation may be uh an an internal imperative, but there’s plenty of people and we’ve met them and we’ve talked to them that see sex not as a need. It’s something that they force themselves to do. So I think is that circuit broken in their in their brain if they’re asexual? If they don’t have any desire to be sexually connected? Yes. Because there are two types of sexual struggles. There are hypersexual struggles and there are hyposexual struggles. Like that’s a problem for like the the reality is everybody has sexual struggles. There’s nobody that doesn’t struggle sexually and you’re either going to struggle with containing hypersexuality or or being attuned to your lack of sexual desire. Either one is a problem because it’s a fundamental way we’re designed to connect. It’s not the only way. So I would I would make the analogy between this and food. donuts. It may be okay to have a donut every now and then, but a donut is not a need, but you do have a need to eat. So again, it’s how you go about fulfilling that fundamental need that either is healthy and flourishing or it becomes problematic for you and your relationship. So what’s the definition of hypersexuality is when you start to show up with debris in your life because of the degree that you’re masturbating. If I’m masturbating all day long and I’m using it to avoid. So, there’s a term I coined called procrastinate. Waiting for this one. Let’s get it. Let’s Let’s introduce the world to Scott’s new terminology. This is my new term. I’m hoping to get it in the dictionary, guys, and I hope you’ll use it often in your conversations with friends and family. Procrastination. What is procrastination? It’s when I’m trying to avoid something by masturbating. And I coined this because one of my young friends is doing a lot of procrastination, particularly around when he has to take tests for his school. And and so I didn’t shame him other around that. But I did get to be curious with him about it by saying, « Is this a way that you learned to cope as a boy because nobody would sit with you when you didn’t know the answer to your math problems and your homework and you were just left alone with your big frustrated emotions and the only way you could soothe it was by putting it off and going and masturbating. » And he said, « Yes. » So now, do you understand how that’s connected to his story? And it still is the way that he seeks to escape and feel better when he’s feeling really bad about his homework. Yeah. And so, yeah, I think um I don’t know what the point was on that one other than it’s a great term. Well, I think the point is that there’s when we get to this con this issue of masturbation, one of the things that is real is that it is used by a lot of guys as an emotional self-regulation tool. And when I don’t when I’m feeling shame, I don’t feel like I’m being very productive. I can very easily use both masturbation and procrastination to reinforce that shame. something that I can go to to to get some sense of release and understanding uh of my internal world. I don’t really understand it, but that embodied behavior allows me to feel something different in the moment. So, when I’m putting off and putting off and putting off and putting off, I’m living in the anxiety of the future. When I’m masturbating, I’m living into the desire of the of the moment and I’m having a orgasm in one and I’m having a feeling of um self-sabotage that equals putting things off. It’s for tomorrow’s problem. You know, I don’t have to do deal with this in the other. So, they’ve got a very similar energy to them in my opinion. They they do and we’ve all procrastinated, haven’t we? I mean, yeah, Carrie says procrastinator. We’ve all done that. Um, one of the other guys says, um, uh, where was it? Where was it? Where was it? Um, I’m, as a widowerower, I found comfort in being a solo sexual. It’s become an emotional anchoring as I walk alone. Well, that I completely understand that, David. Um, like it’s got to be very lonely. It’s got to feel very sad for you. And you do need comfort. You’ve lost a spouse. you’ve lost a life partner and so what do you do with your desire in that situation and um you know you need to be with others. I think pro probably one of the challenges of masturbating as a source of comfort is it’s a temporary solution and you need something a little more healing for your loneliness and that is going to come with connection not something that you’re doing by yourself on your own right and so it’s actually kind of a culde-sac I guess is a good way to look at it like Adam Young likes to use it’s not really healing the wound. It’s soothing it temporarily, but it’s not really getting to a place of correction in terms of repairerative help. Yep. So, one thing that we can quickly dispel the myth is that masturbation will mess your penis up. It’s going to it’s going to bend it or warp it permanently. Can I get Peronis disease from masturbating? Not unless you’re hanging upside down and banging it on the side of the door frame. So, poor guy. Poor guy. We have to call him out like that. But now, if you’re masturbating really vigorously and you break your penis, which a lot of guys don’t know, you can break your penis. But if you bend your penis forward when it’s erect and you hear a popping sound, you have just broken your penis. You need to go to the emergency room. Connective tissue in your penis. It’s not a bone, by the way. You didn’t actually break it. So, right. But but what it can do is in breaking that tissue, it can form scar tissue that does then cause your penis to bend more in one direction than the other. It can be deformed and make intercourse hard. So if you ever hear a popping sound, uh this occurs in um the cowgirl on top or the the person on top position usually where somebody gets a little too vigorous and too excited and they will yolop and it will pee painful. go to the emergency room, but you can do that on your own. There are guys that have done that. So, and does it does it mess with does it create erectile dysfunction or sexual problems over a long period of time? That’s another myth that some people say is that if if you masturbate too much I think we’ve talked about the sensitivity issue may be an issue. But does ED actually come from masturbating? It comes from the shame of masturbating because the the major cause of most um sexual dysfunction in men which is let’s categorize that erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and an an orgasmia which is a difficulty achieving an orgasm. All three of those the major factor for all male dysfun sexual dysfunction is shame. Yep. Okay. So if you masturbate and you feel shame about it, you can develop ED, you can develop an orgasmia, you can develop premature ejaculation from that. So again, a lot of guys don’t know that, but yes, it’s not coming directly. It’s not the act of masturbating, it’s the effect of masturbating. So the act itself isn’t the cause. The effect it is is the problematic issue. So again, if you keep it spaced apart and giving yourself a reasonable uh frequency, but what about testosterone? Can it lower my testosterone? That’s another myth a lot of guys have. We covered that. Your testosterone drops after you ejaculate temporarily, but it goes back up, you know, within a couple of hours. So, it’s not going to lower your testosterone levels permanently. It’s not going to make your balls smaller. If anything, it would make them bigger, but because you’re ejaculating more frequently. So, so any other masturbation myth that anybody in the chat wants to find out more information about? Will it grow? Will it make you blind? Will it your your palms get hairy? Will um you know, what are we in the middle ages today? Will I will I have to eat Cheerios so that I can stop masturbating? Is that the cereal the solution for for my masturbation? So, well that that is why breakfast that’s why cornflakes were developed actually. Yes. Luke says it made him blind. So we could say it made you deaf and then I’m go what? What? What? Huh? Huh? What? Huh? What? What? The biggest challenge I think in all in all this is understanding my emotional world. Because when we talk to a lot of guys about these issues, they do feel a lot of shame around masturbating. you know, whether it’s religious shame or just internalized shame, but there’s so much about their emotional world that they don’t really understand. And so, they’re kind of stuck in um this place of I’m just coping. I’m just surviving. I think masturbation really can be a survivalistic tool sometimes. I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ll just pump myself full of dopamine and keep keep it stroking, keep it going. And as long as I as long as I um I mean, you ever watch the movie Wolf of Wall Street? Yes. He talks about, you know, them those are rookie numbers. Those are rookie numbers. You got to pump up those numbers. I’m I’m, you know, this many times a day. And it’s it’s because I got to keep the blood flowing, you know, keep things viscous, keep things moving. I think that’s how some guys look at masturbation sometimes as a way to feel alive. Yes. And uh there may be some truth to that as you age that there is kind of a relationship between the penis and a use it or lose it type of dimension of being able to get an erection and maintain sexual pleasure. So, a lot of guys if they don’t if they get married and they their wife is ill or their their wife passes away or whatever and they don’t maintain their sexual vitality, they can lose kind of the ability to get erections very easily. And um so there’s there’s a balance I think in all of this. I think if you’re a single guy and you’re masturbating a couple of times a week, it’s probably not a bad idea. Um, some of the research indicates that men who have 21 ejaculations a month have lower prostate cancer rates, although that research was based on a very small group of guys. So, it’s not like ejaculating all the time is going to prevent prostate cancer, which is the second leading cause of uh cancer death among men. But it does make a lot of sense to me that if you have stuff building up in your body that is designed to come out on a regular basis, it’s probably not healthy. So, I think there’s David has a question. Does compulsive masturbation cause dopamine addiction? Oh, you know, that’s a great point. So, I I meant to make that point when we talked about does it cause you depression? So, it can cause you depression, not from the act itself, but based on how you’re using it. So, I’m going to go back to this idea of a supernormal stimulus for a second. So, a supernormal stimulus is what creates a very high level of arousal, which is generating a high level of dopamine, which makes you seek the high level of arousal all the more. So, dopamine is released in the seeking and the achieving, not the actual orgasm. So, it’s ah, I was seeking to have sexual pleasure and now I’m having sexual pleasure. Burst of dopamine. Well, once you orgasm, you’ve reached kind of the height of orgasm or dopamine when you orgasm, and then there’s going to be a trough that follows that. And that’s typically where you feel empty, alone, and depressed. That’s because you created a very high dopamine wave and now you’re in the trough. And you can get addicted to that back and forth high dopamine level and that’s what causes the depression, not the masturbation itself. It’s how you’re using it. So again, The answer is it can if you’re using it a certain way. Is that right? That’s right. That’s that’s most of this. Like there is some truth in these myths in some of these myths, but it’s not because of masturbation itself. It’s because of how masturbation is being used in your life. Like like this is the common thing. This is what we’re saying is guys, as young men, we use masturbation to fall asleep at night. We use masturbation to soo our anxiety. We use masturbation when we’re pissed off and instead of having a conversation, we go blow it out our penis. We use masturbation when we’re feeling shame. We use masturbation when we want to grieve and we have nobody to grieve with. So, we learn to do life by avoiding our emotions and going to an orgasm. That’s it. And that is what’s called eroticized emotions. You can eroticize any emotion when you do that repeatedly as a boy because nobody’s sitting with you in your emotions. Yes. And again, my my my invitation here is to be kind to yourself and ask, « When did this start in my life? » Because it started in your life out of your family system, not because you’re a pervert and you just like to touch your penis. It started because you had very intense emotions that nobody ever sat with you in and you had to soothe yourself. And so there is a brilliance about how you went about finding a way to care for yourself because nobody else was doing it. Very creative. And Scott, it’s a it’s a it’s a bangup day for us. We have a hundred viewers on the live right now. First time ever in the history of We Got Balls. 100 guys on wanting to know more about masturbation and the myths that need to be busted from it. So so much goodness here, man. Thank you guys for being with us. Smash that like button. Promote this content. We want to continue to have guys see this and and benefit from the these conversations because we want you to be connected. Just like Scott was saying, want you to have healthy ways to deal with your emotional world and feel like you belong in a community of men just like you. So, that’s why we’re here doing this. I wanted to shout out to a couple guys. Angelo said he wondered how many men here identify as by or gay. I’m gay and love listening to you guys. And then David came along and said, « Gay as well. Love listening to these guys. » Hey, we welcome you guys. We’re glad you’re here. Um, it is so nice to have you feel welcomed and safe here. And we welcome you. We welcome guys who identify however they want to. We’re we’re ambiguous on the identification issue. I think the thing that matters to most to us is you’re men and you want to belong in community with men. That’s what we’re looking for. And so if you’re a guy and you want to do that, you’re welcome to be with us here. Um and we we cover these topics because nobody else is talking to men about these topics and these things matter to us. So um so self soothing um one of the guys says that is my truth. Well frankly that’s the truth for most of us. That is why masturbation becomes addictive because when we develop this ability to soo ourselves because nobody else would by masturbating as children. Every time I feel that emotion, now I get horny. So neurons that fire together wire together. And if as a child the only way I could deal with my anger, fear, sad, ash, shame was to go have an orgasm, then the neurons associated with anger, fear, sad, and shame get paired with sexual arousal and orgasm. And every time I feel anger, fear, sad, shame as an adult, I ignore them and I go right to having the orgasm because that’s how I feel the emotion. The button works. The the the the tug, the rub and tug works. If I just tug on that thing, just tug on that thing, I feel so much better. I feel like I belong. I feel like someone loves me. It’s the sensation in my body. Now, you can keep doing that. And we say to guys, if that’s what you really want, go tug and rub. But is there something beneath that desire to go tug and rub on your own that you would rather have? And I think most guys will go, I just want somebody to see me. I just want somebody to be with me. And that’s that’s the issue, right? That’s it. That’s it. So guys, if you want to connect and be seen and deeper than anything any feeling that masturbation could ever offer, I’d encourage you to go to we got balls pod u.com right now and join us for our next event. We got a wonderful event coming up in Denver at the in the end of August. We’ve got plenty of space for that. Join us and be with us in person so we can talk about these things. And Scott, from this past weekend, one of the things that I would say is it wasn’t the sexual touch that was so powerful. It was the caring physical touch and kindness. Just to be clear, there wasn’t any sexual touch. There was there wasn’t any sexual touch. There wasn’t any mutual masturbation. There wasn’t any nudity together. We were we were hearttoheart, right? We were face to face. That’s where the goodness was happening because so many so many times we think, « Oh, well, if I just I just need to get another hookup or I need to get some more sexual energy. » No, let’s go find the human energy that we can find together and connect. So, we got ballsspot.com. You can connect with Scott or I in person for coaching or groups. You can you can sign up for a retreat. You can be a part of this community in a deeper way. And that’s your gateway to get there. Yes and amen. All right, guys. Well, we are grateful to be with you. We will be back this Friday. We missed you last week being at the retreat. We’ll be back this Friday for another great topic. And we look forward to welcoming you into our circle of friendship right here on We Got Balls. And you do too. Take care. .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

19.08 Hey, hey, hey.
19.08 [Music]
19.08 [Music]
19.08 Heat.
19.08 Heat. Hey,
19.08 hey,
19.08 hey. Hey, hey, hey.
19.08 [Music]
19.08 [Applause]
19.08 [Music]
19.08 David Long&;s here. Hello. What&;s up,
19.08 guys? Welcome back. Sorry we weren&;t
19.08 here last Friday. had a great time in
19.08 Nashville with a bunch of men, some of
19.08 whom are on this live. Hello. Hello,
19.08 friends. Yes, you&;re here. Um, want to
19.08 welcome you into We Got Balls
19.08 Wednesday. Uh, welcome Manny, welcome
19.08 Jim. Thank you guys for supporting us.
19.08 Uh, so grateful to be with you. And of
19.08 course, today we are talking about the
19.08 thing that all of us do. Scott, you did
19.08 some research. How many what percentage
19.08 of guys uh are masturbating these days?
19.08 Well, you kind of blew my load, so to
19.08 speak, right before we started
19.08 because
19.08 you like I had this whole introduction
19.08 planned. It&;s all over. Cut. We&;re going
19.08 to redo it. No, redo it. Redo it. Take
19.08 it from the top. Oh man. So, what you
19.08 meant to say was uh we&;re going to talk
19.08 today about something that pretty much
19.08 every man does according to Reason
19.08 Research, and that is choke his chicken,
19.08 masturbate,
19.08 jerk, bounce the wobbly warhead.
19.08 Yeah. Eat the meat. I don&;t know.
19.08 Whatever. Whatever you want to say.
19.08 Yeah. So, um here we go, fellas. We&;re
19.08 going to talk about
19.08 masturbation myths
19.08 busted. Nut busting masturb. We should
19.08 have called it nut busting masturbation
19.08 myth myths. Don&;t you think? Well, you
19.08 know, we are mythbusters. That&;s We are
19.08 mythbusters in this in this field for
19.08 sure. We&;re also nutbusters according to
19.08 the research as I just mentioned. That&;s
19.08 it. We do. We do. So fellas, we&;re glad
19.08 you&;re here. If you have questions about
19.08 masturbation,
19.08 uh, myths or, uh, any questions about
19.08 masturbation, put them in the chat,
19.08 please. We&;d be happy to address those
19.08 questions as we go throughout the day or
19.08 the We&;re not doing this for a whole
19.08 day. I mean, for the hour. Yeah, we&;re
19.08 doing it for the hour. That&;s enough.
19.08 So,
19.08 um, all right, Chris, where do you want
19.08 to start? I don&;t know. Let&;s Let&;s
19.08 start about the data. Um, well, first of
19.08 all, I think we need to talk about, as
19.08 always, our ma our opinion on
19.08 masturbation is neutral. We are neither
19.08 pro nor con. And we&;ll talk about some
19.08 things on the episode today that seem
19.08 like we&;re very pro masturbation. We&;ll
19.08 talk about some things on the episode
19.08 that may seem like we&;re against
19.08 masturbation. We just want to establish
19.08 from the very top that we are supportive
19.08 of you as a man in your journey and your
19.08 sexuality to find a sense of peace and
19.08 purpose with the values that align with
19.08 you. So, if you&;re like, I don&;t want to
19.08 masturbate ever in my life, well, great.
19.08 Good for you. Let&;s help you figure out
19.08 how you can do that. And if you&;re like,
19.08 I would like to spank that monkey every
19.08 day. That&;s been a bad bad monkey. Every
19.08 single day, we&;re going to spank that
19.08 monkey. Then good for you, my friend.
19.08 God bless you on your journey of monkey
19.08 chasing monkey span. So, oh my gosh,
19.08 we&;re a bunch of teenagers today. So, um
19.08 let&;s let me just modify a little bit
19.08 about you said what you said. We&;re
19.08 neither pro nor con on masturbation.
19.08 What I would like to say is we are this
19.08 on masturb. We are we are for this when
19.08 it comes to masturbation. We are for
19.08 kindness. Yes. And curiosity. Yes.
19.08 and compassion when it comes to whatever
19.08 masturbation habit you may have. Very
19.08 true. And I&;m I&;m going to I&;m going to
19.08 take this back to kind of the
19.08 fundamental aspects of masturbation. Let
19.08 me just state this from the get-go. Baby
19.08 boys and girls masturbate while they&;re
19.08 in their mother&;s wombs. This has been
19.08 filmed with ultrasound technology. That
19.08 is not a myth. That is a true statement.
19.08 True fact. That&;s a true statement. So,
19.08 a masturbation starts early in our
19.08 lives. It picks up in puberty, although
19.08 it can happen a lot more frequently
19.08 earlier than puberty. And that&;s
19.08 something to be curious about in your
19.08 life if you have that. And of course,
19.08 but when your sex hormones kick in at
19.08 600% above where they have been as a
19.08 little boy and you start to develop a
19.08 man&;s body, you&;re going to start to
19.08 have spontaneous erections. You&;re going
19.08 to notice that it feels good to touch
19.08 your penis when it&;s hard. And you keep
19.08 doing that and something&;s gonna happen
19.08 to your body and that&;s where most guys
19.08 discover masturbation if they haven&;t
19.08 had any good sexual education. So we&;ll
19.08 talk about that and then it kind of
19.08 continues throughout our lives even when
19.08 you&;re married. Married men masturbate
19.08 and it&;s going to go till probably the
19.08 day you die. So it&;s something that&;s
19.08 going to be with you and you have to
19.08 reckon with it and you have to think
19.08 about it. And I think our invitation
19.08 today is what we&;re inviting you to do
19.08 is as we kind of bust some of these
19.08 myths about masturbation is enter into
19.08 your sexual story around masturbation
19.08 great degree of kindness and
19.08 compassion and curiosity and um maybe
19.08 use this to engage some parts of your
19.08 story that you haven&;t really thought
19.08 about. And so the invitation here is
19.08 intentionality.
19.08 Yes. And that&;s the first thing I&;ll say
19.08 about masturbation is before we get into
19.08 the myths is so many of us
19.08 masturbate
19.08 mindlessly
19.08 or without really thinking about it in a
19.08 self-reflective way. And as we know
19.08 Chris from the neuroscience that we&;ve
19.08 studied, the one thing the one thing you
19.08 can do to really bring about change in
19.08 your life is actually to reflect on
19.08 yourself. people that reflect on
19.08 themselves, whether that&;s through
19.08 writing or through talking with other
19.08 people or through storytelling, telling
19.08 your stories of your life. Um, just
19.08 taking time to actually think about you
19.08 and be intentional about paying
19.08 attention to what&;s going on in your
19.08 life or what&;s occurred in your life has
19.08 a great benefit for bringing about
19.08 change in your life, but also being a
19.08 more compassionate person. Yep. And so
19.08 that&;s our invitation today is to think
19.08 about masturbation. Let&;s just take an
19.08 hour or so and be intentional about
19.08 thinking about masturbation and the role
19.08 that it&;s played in my life and why it&;s
19.08 played that role and and uh maybe some
19.08 of the myths that have grown up around
19.08 masturbating that have caused me to feel
19.08 shame or become confused or whatever. So
19.08 that&;s our invitation today. So, so, so
19.08 guys, if you&;ve got questions about this
19.08 topic, uh, I don&;t think we&;ve ever done
19.08 a live episode on masturbation, Scott.
19.08 So, here&;s your chance, boys. Here&;s
19.08 your chance. Put your questions in the
19.08 chat. Let us know what you&;re thinking.
19.08 Give us your comments. Smash that like
19.08 button as well. We&;d appreciate you
19.08 letting YouTube know that you value what
19.08 we&;re doing here and so they could
19.08 promote it to guys just like you. So,
19.08 the very first thing I want to go after,
19.08 Scott, I want to go after that nofap
19.08 community. Have you ever heard of the
19.08 nofap community? have heard the nofap
19.08 community. I&;m not a big f no nofap fan
19.08 but okay so it the one of the big myths
19.08 of masturbation is that it drains your
19.08 energy and there&;s some spiritual or
19.08 cultural traditions that have claimed
19.08 this but the reality is there&;s no
19.08 biological basis for this. Nothing
19.08 biologically says that your energy will
19.08 be drained if you masturbate. So what
19.08 what do you think about that statement?
19.08 Yeah. So I know where that&;s coming from
19.08 because I&;ve actually studied
19.08 that not not the nofap but you know this
19.08 is called this is the semen retention
19.08 community as the broader category. It&;s
19.08 based on tantric practices and toism
19.08 and so it has religious roots in uh
19.08 eastern spiritual traditions. And the
19.08 idea is that when a man ejaculates, he&;s
19.08 losing some of his life force. So
19.08 shooting semen out your penis makes you
19.08 begin to age and die and so on and so
19.08 forth. So there is no evidence of that
19.08 whatsoever. You can have the religious
19.08 tradition if you want to, but there is
19.08 nothing that uh is going to happen
19.08 that&;s bad to your body by ejaculating
19.08 because that&;s what your body is
19.08 designed to do. So, it&;d be like um
19.08 saying, "Well, it&;s good to to not uh
19.08 blow snot out of your nose when you have
19.08 a stuffed up nose or or you need to
19.08 retain feces in your body when you need
19.08 to take a feel an urge to take a No, no,
19.08 no, no, no, please. Yeah. So, well, and
19.08 a and a sister myth to that is that you
19.08 shouldn&;t masturbate before you have a
19.08 like a sporting activity or something
19.08 that you&;re trying to exert a lot of
19.08 energy because that&;s going to drain.
19.08 That&;s kind of the same idea that you&;re
19.08 going to drain your your energy, drain
19.08 your mojo before you have to exert it in
19.08 a way that&;s really intentional. So,
19.08 that&;s actually been studied. Um, okay.
19.08 Yeah, they&;ve actually done studies on
19.08 athletes where guys in the Olympics,
19.08 they would masturbate before they went
19.08 out and performed and and then they
19.08 would have a control group that wouldn&;t
19.08 masturbate and there was no difference
19.08 in athletic performance. there there
19.08 actually may have been a little more
19.08 boost to guys who masturbated within a
19.08 certain time period because um one of
19.08 the other myths I&;ll just jump forward
19.08 to the myth is masturbation lowers your
19.08 testosterone level. Well, it does
19.08 shortly after you ejaculate, but that&;s
19.08 momentary and then it&;s going to boost
19.08 back up because your body naturally
19.08 wants to uh regenerate more sperm and
19.08 then have you ejaculate again because
19.08 this feels good in the body, right? And
19.08 so your body wants to and your brain
19.08 wants to repeat this activity over and
19.08 over again. That&;s normal adult
19.08 sexuality. So,
19.08 um, so yeah, there&;s no myth to that.
19.08 Well, it doesn&;t drain my vitality. It
19.08 doesn&;t cut my athletic performance. It
19.08 doesn&;t Now, let me just say, we&;re
19.08 talking about kind of regular
19.08 uh jump in the shower, toss one off, or
19.08 masturbate a couple times a week
19.08 behavior. If you&;re masturbating
19.08 compulsively. Well, hold on. Hold on.
19.08 Hold on. Don&;t go. Don&;t don&;t don&;t
19.08 bury that lead too much because there&;s
19.08 some some myths that we need to dispel
19.08 before we uh get that out there because
19.08 one of the myths that it Well, we&;ll do
19.08 it right now. It says masturbation turns
19.08 you into a pervert or a sex addict.
19.08 Masturbation uh uh is a normal part of
19.08 sexual activity for most people. It
19.08 doesn&;t make you a deviant.
19.08 So, if we&;re dealing with compulsive
19.08 masturbation though, we might have that
19.08 problem. There might be an issue that
19.08 needs to be. So, how do you divide
19.08 between I masturbate and that&;s just
19.08 part of my daily life and it&;s I have a
19.08 rhythm with it or I need this. I have to
19.08 have this in order to be okay. Okay. So,
19.08 I think it starts with the question, why
19.08 do you masturbate? And notice that I&;m
19.08 asking it as a question, not an
19.08 accusation. And that is an important
19.08 distinction.
19.08 How does that sound differently? Here&;s
19.08 an accusation. Why do you masturbate?
19.08 Right. Do you hear the energy in that? I
19.08 like versus why do you masturbate,
19.08 Chris?
19.08 It&;s a great question, Scott. I don&;t
19.08 know. Tell Let&;s talk about it because I
19.08 haven&;t ever been curious about that. I
19.08 just get to a place in my life where I
19.08 think, hey, it&;s time to do this
19.08 activity. It&;s time to toss one off. And
19.08 so, let&;s go. And All right. Can I Can I
19.08 join you in that vulnerability with the
19.08 guys here? I&;ll I&;ll be happy to explore
19.08 this with you. curiously too and myself.
19.08 So, let&;s make a re let&;s make a list.
19.08 Let&;s just take a minute or two and list
19.08 out the reasons why you masturbate or
19.08 why you have masturbated in the past.
19.08 Yes. It says to go to sleep. Um,
19.08 absolutely. To relieve stress. Yes. Um,
19.08 to deal with some suppressed emotion
19.08 that I don&;t know what to do with. I&;ve
19.08 got And what would those emotions be?
19.08 Oh, they could be anxiety. They could be
19.08 sadness. They could be um anger. They
19.08 could be a number of things. Yeah. I&;ve
19.08 masturbated out of anger. I&;ve
19.08 masturbated because I feel shame and I
19.08 want to get rid of the feeling of shame.
19.08 I&;ve masturbated because I&;m angry with
19.08 myself and I go masturbate because it
19.08 convinces me that I&;m a bad person and I
19.08 can&;t control
19.08 myself. I&;ve masturbated when I&;m sad.
19.08 So typically the big emotions, the big
19.08 not feelgood emotions in my body, anger,
19.08 fear, sadness, shame. I&;ve masturbated
19.08 in all those emotional states. Yeah.
19.08 Robert says, "Just for fun." I mean,
19.08 there is fun. There is a playfulness to
19.08 it sometimes. For sure. Um, I&;ve done it
19.08 because I&;m horny.
19.08 Like, let&;s talk about that. What does
19.08 it mean that I&;m You&;re horny, Scott.
19.08 That&;s a Nobody&;s ever been that way.
19.08 Okay.
19.08 So, usually this occurs like if I wake
19.08 up with an
19.08 erection and it&;s really hard and then I
19.08 feel like
19.08 why are you laughing at me? I&;m being
19.08 very hard and and then I don&;t do
19.08 anything with it. But I feel like I&;m
19.08 I&;m not I feel like
19.08 like I feel like something&;s got to get
19.08 out of me, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so I
19.08 have this sense of pressure in my
19.08 genitals and in my lower body that feels
19.08 like it&;s not like like there&;s a
19.08 movement stuck in me like like I want to
19.08 make a physical thing happen and it&;s
19.08 been prevented from happening and it&;s
19.08 kind of stuck in my body. That that to
19.08 me is stuckness. That&;s what horniness
19.08 is, is stuckness in your body. Well,
19.08 that&;s that&;s one degree. So, now that
19.08 I&;m really talking about this out loud,
19.08 that is one version of horniness. The
19.08 other one is a horniness where I just I
19.08 I just want to uh Oh, I I&;ll be really
19.08 vulnerable about this. When I was just
19.08 going into puberty, I hadn&;t masturbated
19.08 yet, but one day I took a nap and I woke
19.08 up and my penis was really hard and I
19.08 had this feeling of like I just need to
19.08 stick that in something. And I wasn&;t I
19.08 didn&;t even know what masturbation was.
19.08 And so I went and got we had in our
19.08 refrigerator one of those egg cartons
19.08 that was, you know, the the paper kind.
19.08 Yep. and I stuck my penis in through the
19.08 egg carton thing to try to jam it in
19.08 because I had this feeling of wanting to
19.08 penetrate something. I can&;t describe it
19.08 in anything other than that. And I was
19.08 only in sixth grade. So, that&;s it. Hey,
19.08 Scott 69 viewers. Glad y&;all are here.
19.08 Woo! We hit the magic number. All right,
19.08 guys. Smashing
19.08 smash that like button and remind
19.08 YouTube why we&;re here and and recruit
19.08 some guys to join us by hitting that
19.08 like button. You can help us out. And so
19.08 I&;m gonna some of the guys are chiming
19.08 in. So Jason 84 says, "Man, I do get the
19.08 urge after lifting weights." So yes.
19.08 Yes. That&;s true. After athletic
19.08 performance, there&;s a surge of
19.08 testosterone or exuberance or Yeah, I&;ve
19.08 done that before. Um,
19.08 what else? What? So B7 brings up a great
19.08 myth about masturbation. I&;m a
19.08 practicing Catholic and the Catholic
19.08 church
19.08 considers masturbation a mortal sin that
19.08 must be confessed in the sacrament of
19.08 confession. Thus, I live in guilt and
19.08 shame the majority of the time. So, does
19.08 masturbation mean I will be cursed or
19.08 punished by God and even go to hell?
19.08 Not to me. It doesn&;t. Okay. Yeah. So,
19.08 you differ with the Catholic Church in
19.08 their I differ with the Catholic Church.
19.08 Um, and I understand the Catholic
19.08 Church&;s argument, and this goes back,
19.08 and a lot of uh conservative Protestant
19.08 churches have this view, too, that the
19.08 purpose of um sex is always to take
19.08 place between a man and a woman. And I
19.08 would say, well, then God screwed up
19.08 when he made wet dreams. Yeah. And
19.08 procreation. It always has to result in
19.08 making a child. And for a child. So when
19.08 I have a wet dream then am I sinning?
19.08 And of course the Catholic Church
19.08 doesn&;t believe a wet dream is sinful.
19.08 Or if you have a spontaneous emission of
19.08 semen that&;s not sinful either but
19.08 that&;s not creating anything. So what is
19.08 the sin? Is the sin the sin of orgasm or
19.08 the sin of ejaculation? I&;m not sure
19.08 what the sin is.
19.08 However, um I don&;t think I think the
19.08 bigger concern that I would have is if
19.08 you feel shame about doing this or you
19.08 have that religious tradition which
19.08 reinforces a shameful view of
19.08 masturbation, then of course it&;s not
19.08 going to be all that helpful to
19.08 masturbate. You&;re going to feel you&;re
19.08 going to feel more shame about it. But I
19.08 don&;t believe the um I I&;m not sure how
19.08 that doctrine came into the Catholic
19.08 Church in the first place. There is an
19.08 evolution of that doctrine over time in
19.08 in the history of Christianity. Well, I
19.08 can tell you where it came in. It&;s the
19.08 sin of Onan. You made a mess on the
19.08 ground. You did not use your seed um in
19.08 a way. That&;s the interpretation of why
19.08 it&;s the way it is. But I don&;t know
19.08 when that sin of Onan view was linked to
19.08 masturbation because the sin of Onan has
19.08 nothing to do with masturbation. I&;m
19.08 aware old Augustine screwed us again.
19.08 Was it Augustine? It was that shameful
19.08 sex. Son of a [ __ ]
19.08 He had some good theology in other
19.08 areas, but dude, he was messed up in his
19.08 sexual and anthropological theology. So,
19.08 um, the sin of Onan, just for the those
19.08 of you guys that don&;t know, is one of
19.08 the um I forget whose son it was, but um
19.08 oh, is one of Judah&;s sons, wasn&;t it?
19.08 So yeah, in in the biblical days, this
19.08 is in Genesis, um the tradition was if
19.08 you were married and you died, one of
19.08 your brothers would marry your wife and
19.08 father children for you. And the reason
19.08 for this, the reason for this is so that
19.08 you wouldn&;t be destitute as a woman and
19.08 have to resort to either begging or
19.08 prostitution to survive. Yep. So there
19.08 was a kindness in the tradition. It&;s
19.08 not a command. I don&;t believe in
19.08 Genesis. I don&;t believe it&;s a
19.08 Levitical command. Not a commandment.
19.08 It&;s a tradition. So it&;s a tradition
19.08 that was developed. Now in the
19.08 interpretation of how this works in
19.08 Judah&;s line, there was one of his sons
19.08 died and one of his daughters was um
19.08 supposed to be have sex with. I&;m short
19.08 this up for you because you&;re take
19.08 you&;re you&;re stretching it out. short
19.08 his brother his brother instead of
19.08 having sex with his brother&;s wife Onan
19.08 decided he would pull out and spill his
19.08 seed on the ground and so called the sin
19.08 of Onan and God was angry at him because
19.08 he did not fulfill the tradition to help
19.08 further his uh brother&;s name in line.
19.08 So that was taken and used out of
19.08 context as masturbation is a sin and
19.08 always forbidden by God and just given a
19.08 blanket statement over there when in
19.08 actuality what&;s taking place is Onan is
19.08 using this woman for his own sexual
19.08 pleasure and objectifying her and
19.08 doesn&;t really give a crap about caring
19.08 for her needs. So that&;s the sin of
19.08 Onan, not ejaculating on the ground. But
19.08 that&;s was that&;s the view that was
19.08 adopted in this very truncated view of
19.08 theology. So, I don&;t know what you do
19.08 with that if you&;re going to a church
19.08 that reinforces that other just then
19.08 just decide, well, thank you for your
19.08 interpretation of that scripture, but I
19.08 don&;t agree with it. Um, I don&;t think
19.08 you&;re allowed to do that traditionally
19.08 in Catholicism because church tradition
19.08 kind of trumps your own interpretation.
19.08 That&;s why Protestants protest it. So,
19.08 but Protestants have their own popes,
19.08 too.
19.08 Oh, we have our own hang-ups around
19.08 masturbation and it ain&;t got nothing to
19.08 do with procreation or as David C says
19.08 uh the sin has fallen into our worlds
19.08 fall short of unity with anyone which is
19.08 not who God intended. So that&;s, you
19.08 know, it&;s supposed to be with sex
19.08 between a man and a woman only is the
19.08 only approvable sexual practice. And so
19.08 that doesn&;t mention making babies, but
19.08 that&;s their implication. David, let&;s
19.08 just And Manny H makes a great point
19.08 here that says, "In my religious
19.08 experience, masturbation is viewed as a
19.08 sinful act. However, the Bible, to my
19.08 knowledge, does not mention it." And
19.08 that is correct. The word masturbation
19.08 is never used in the Bible at all. It
19.08 may be only alluded to twice that I&;m
19.08 aware of. So
19.08 Yes, indeed. All right, so other guys
19.08 are saying when my partner is not in the
19.08 mood. Oh, that&;s a great that&;s a great
19.08 thing. Do is that something that
19.08 is healthy to masturbate when your
19.08 partner is not in the mood? Well, okay,
19.08 we could ask. It depends. I think the
19.08 answer to a lot of these questions is is
19.08 it depends. like it&;s circumstantial or
19.08 situational or
19.08 um subjective, right? If if my wife is
19.08 suffering from a physical illness which
19.08 makes intercourse or any sexual activity
19.08 undoable for her for whatever reason, is
19.08 it wrong to masturbate to uh just have
19.08 some pleasure every once in a while? I
19.08 don&;t think so.
19.08 Um, I think probably you should talk to
19.08 your spouse about that and say, "Do you
19.08 mind if I
19.08 masturbate?" But no. Or or if you&;re on
19.08 extended travel and you you&;re gone
19.08 traveling for business for an extended
19.08 period of time or something like that or
19.08 you&;re deployed in the military, is it
19.08 wrong to mate? Like we had one of the
19.08 guys in here said they would have
19.08 masturbation contest in the military and
19.08 who came last won. So came last not
19.08 first. Okay. Came last. You&;re strut.
19.08 You&;re trying to stretch it out, Chris.
19.08 That&;s the goal. So, all right. Um,
19.08 yeah, I think a lot of these are
19.08 situational. What do you think? Well, I
19.08 would say that the the biggest piece
19.08 about partnership and masturbation is
19.08 that I think it does over time become a
19.08 shortcut for uh sex on demand, which is
19.08 I want my sexual needs fulfilled. Now,
19.08 this goes back to this misunderstanding
19.08 of sex as a need, which a lot of people
19.08 have, I think, where they say, you know,
19.08 I have a right and I have a need for sex
19.08 and so I&;m going to get it. If I can&;t
19.08 get it with my partner, I&;m going to get
19.08 it with myself. This is going to be solo
19.08 sex for me. And that is where I really
19.08 uh struggle because then you&;re taking
19.08 sex away from its as we&;ve defined
19.08 before its intended purpose which is to
19.08 connect and to create a very deep
19.08 experience of connection. So if I don&;t
19.08 especially as I get older if I have if I
19.08 masturbate I don&;t really want to have
19.08 sex with my partner for a while maybe a
19.08 day or two. I mean that&;s just how the
19.08 body works. So now I&;ve kind of blown
19.08 that blown that chance and now I don&;t
19.08 have anything um to to show for that if
19.08 my partner were to be interested.
19.08 And just to be clear on the on the
19.08 masturbation issue regarding the
19.08 Catholic Church, our friend David C
19.08 corrects us. Thank you, David. The
19.08 Catechism of the Catholic Church states
19.08 the sin is that in our fallen world it
19.08 falls short of the unity with other with
19.08 the other which was which God intended
19.08 by sex. It doesn&;t mention baby making.
19.08 I already I already mentioned that.
19.08 Yeah. Oh, you did? I&;m sorry. I did.
19.08 Yeah, it&;s all right. So, yeah. So, for
19.08 for us, is is that something that is a
19.08 deal breaker to say, listen, my
19.08 partner&;s not in the mood? I mean, for
19.08 me, that&;s something I really think
19.08 about when I when I was considering
19.08 masturbating was, do I want to do I want
19.08 to waste this opportunity or can I just
19.08 wait? Can I just be patient? Do I have
19.08 to fulfill this need now or is there
19.08 some other way to fulfill this need that
19.08 might actually allow me to be present
19.08 with my partner when she&;s ready? Yes.
19.08 And and I think that goes back to the
19.08 broader issue of the question is why do
19.08 you masturbate? The curiosity of that.
19.08 So that&;s why we&;re trying to fill out
19.08 this list and think about why we why we
19.08 do it. What are the things we tell us
19.08 that we do it? And one of the biggest
19.08 reasons I think we have to admit is we
19.08 use it to regulate our emotions and to
19.08 not sit with our unpleasant feelings in
19.08 our body. Yeah. Yeah. Because nobody sat
19.08 with us in those unpleasant feelings
19.08 when we were children. So we don&;t know
19.08 how to tolerate distress.
19.08 And that&;s the truth. So here&;s a myth
19.08 that needs to be confronted in that in
19.08 that vein. Masturbation causes
19.08 depression and loneliness.
19.08 Well, again, it can, but it&;s not the
19.08 act itself. It&;s how you&;re doing it.
19.08 Yeah. So, the neuroscience on this is if
19.08 you are
19.08 masturbating in a way that creates a
19.08 supernormal stimulus.
19.08 A supernormal stimulus is any kind of
19.08 sexual stimulation that exceeds what you
19.08 would normally experience. So,
19.08 um, for example, I remember this really,
19.08 it seems kind of funny, but it wasn&;t
19.08 funny for the guy. This young guy
19.08 learned how to masturbate by he had a
19.08 chin-up bar that he put between his door
19.08 frame. Uhhuh. And he would wear those
19.08 kind of gravity boots that you have
19.08 hooks on
19.08 them. Where&;s this going? I want to
19.08 know. To hang upside down naked. Y and
19.08 he would get an erection. And then the
19.08 way he would masturbate is he would bang
19.08 his penis on the door frame until he
19.08 ejaculated. Oh wow. That is a unique
19.08 way. Now that&;s a supernormal stimulus
19.08 because the way he&;s stimulating his
19.08 penis is
19.08 intense and way more intense than just
19.08 stroking it with his hand. Right. Yeah.
19.08 And so he got so acclimated and
19.08 conditioned by the way he was seeking
19.08 how to have an orgasm that he could
19.08 literally not orgasm without doing that
19.08 over and over again. So is that helpful?
19.08 I don&;t think that&;s helpful. He felt a
19.08 lot of shame about it. It&;s kind of an
19.08 unusual way to orgasm. Um you know and
19.08 there are lots of ways that guys do
19.08 this. So, there&;s this thing on the
19.08 internet called the penis death grip
19.08 syndrome where guys masturbate so
19.08 vigorously and so frequently that their
19.08 penis becomes desensitized and the only
19.08 way they can orgasm. I was just talking
19.08 to a guy last night. He cannot have sex
19.08 with his girlfriend, but he can
19.08 masturbate and have an orgas he can have
19.08 sex with his girlfriend, but he can&;t
19.08 orgasm, but he can have an orgasm when
19.08 he masturbates. super part of part of my
19.08 argument for is is solo sex really the
19.08 best sex because solo sex uh means that
19.08 I determine the pressure and the the
19.08 sensation on my penis when I&;m
19.08 masturbating and I don&;t have the
19.08 opportunity to really match that like
19.08 who who can match the grip of of your
19.08 own hand in another person&;s orphice or
19.08 even in a with a [ __ ] it&;s just it&;s
19.08 just a totally different sensation I&;m
19.08 training myself that I see only way I
19.08 can come to climax. That that is
19.08 correct. So So you know if you want to
19.08 have intercourse with your partner, your
19.08 hand is going to feel always going to
19.08 feel different than a vagina or an anus,
19.08 depending on how you want to have
19.08 intercourse. So you&;re acclimating
19.08 yourself to that behavior. And that&;s
19.08 the danger of a supernormal stimulus.
19.08 Also, if you&;re watching porn, most men
19.08 are watching porn when they&;re
19.08 masturbating. So, they&;re not
19.08 fantasizing so much as they&;re being
19.08 lazy with their fantasy and they&;re just
19.08 checking out and becoming kind of a
19.08 voyer in how they&;re finding arousal.
19.08 Well, supernormal stimuluses occur with
19.08 group sex and all the kinds of different
19.08 variations of porn that&;s offered out
19.08 there and it&;s not like partnered sex
19.08 either. So, that&;s where that becomes
19.08 harmful. Um, and then the frequency of
19.08 time. Like there are a lot of guys that
19.08 I know that will masturbate seven times
19.08 a day. And if you&;re expecting to have
19.08 sex with your partner seven times a day
19.08 and have that continue for years, I
19.08 think you&;re setting yourself up for a
19.08 lot of disappointment because most
19.08 partners are not going to be able to
19.08 sustain that level of arousal. Well, and
19.08 and at what level does it become
19.08 hypersexuality? At what point were you
19.08 like, listen, and I don&;t know if we can
19.08 put a number on it. But if you&;re saying
19.08 I need to have it x many times a day or
19.08 x many times a week, this is what it
19.08 means for me to be fulfilled, satisfied,
19.08 which is again back to that thing, sex
19.08 is a need. Is it really a need or is it
19.08 something that you&;re you&;ve used to
19.08 cope with life? I mean, that&;s a great
19.08 uh distinction is what do you need in
19.08 your life to live? Is it sex? Is that
19.08 something that you really need or is it
19.08 just a perk that you&;re um able to enjoy
19.08 connecting with others? So So I&;m going
19.08 to come down on the side that sex is a
19.08 need. It is a fundamental need because
19.08 there&;s a brain circuit devoted to
19.08 sexual lust just like there is to care
19.08 just like there is to play just like
19.08 there is to seeking. Those are
19.08 fundamental human needs. Sex the need or
19.08 the connection the need it is sexual
19.08 lust is the circuit. It is a drive to
19.08 connect sexually with another person
19.08 because fundamentally that drive is
19.08 designed to further the species. Now the
19.08 issue is how do I go about doing that?
19.08 That&;s where it becomes addictive. Like
19.08 food is a need. You cannot live without
19.08 food. Can you live without sex? Yes, but
19.08 the human species can&;t.
19.08 Well, you as an individual can, but we
19.08 as a collective cannot live without sex.
19.08 That they Okay. Procreation may be uh an
19.08 an internal imperative, but there&;s
19.08 plenty of people and we&;ve met them and
19.08 we&;ve talked to them that see sex not as
19.08 a need. It&;s something that they force
19.08 themselves to do. So I think is that
19.08 circuit broken in their in their brain
19.08 if they&;re asexual? If they don&;t have
19.08 any desire to be sexually connected?
19.08 Yes. Because there are two types of
19.08 sexual struggles. There are hypersexual
19.08 struggles and there are hyposexual
19.08 struggles. Like that&;s a problem for
19.08 like the the reality is everybody has
19.08 sexual struggles. There&;s nobody that
19.08 doesn&;t struggle sexually and you&;re
19.08 either going to struggle with containing
19.08 hypersexuality or or being attuned to
19.08 your lack of sexual desire. Either one
19.08 is a problem because it&;s a fundamental
19.08 way we&;re designed to connect. It&;s not
19.08 the only way. So I would I would make
19.08 the analogy between this and food.
19.08 donuts. It may be okay to have a donut
19.08 every now and then, but a donut is not a
19.08 need, but you do have a need to eat. So
19.08 again, it&;s how you go about fulfilling
19.08 that fundamental need that either is
19.08 healthy and flourishing or it becomes
19.08 problematic for you and your
19.08 relationship. So what&;s the definition
19.08 of hypersexuality is when you start to
19.08 show up with debris in your life because
19.08 of the degree that you&;re masturbating.
19.08 If I&;m masturbating all day long and I&;m
19.08 using it to avoid. So, there&;s a term I
19.08 coined called procrastinate. Waiting for
19.08 this one. Let&;s get it. Let&;s Let&;s
19.08 introduce the world to Scott&;s new
19.08 terminology. This is my new term. I&;m
19.08 hoping to get it in the dictionary,
19.08 guys, and I hope you&;ll use it often in
19.08 your conversations with friends and
19.08 family. Procrastination. What is
19.08 procrastination? It&;s when I&;m trying to
19.08 avoid something by masturbating.
19.08 And I coined this because one of my
19.08 young friends is doing a lot of
19.08 procrastination, particularly around
19.08 when he has to take tests for his
19.08 school.
19.08 And and so I didn&;t shame him other
19.08 around that. But I did get to be curious
19.08 with him about it by saying, "Is this a
19.08 way that you learned to cope as a boy
19.08 because nobody would sit with you when
19.08 you didn&;t know the answer to your math
19.08 problems and your homework and you were
19.08 just left alone with your big frustrated
19.08 emotions and the only way you could
19.08 soothe it was by putting it off and
19.08 going and masturbating." And he said,
19.08 "Yes." So now, do you understand how
19.08 that&;s connected to his story? And it
19.08 still is the way that he seeks to escape
19.08 and feel better when he&;s feeling really
19.08 bad about his homework. Yeah. And so,
19.08 yeah, I think um I don&;t know what the
19.08 point was on that one other than it&;s a
19.08 great term.
19.08 Well, I think the point is that there&;s
19.08 when we get to this con this issue of
19.08 masturbation, one of the things that is
19.08 real is that it is used by a lot of guys
19.08 as an emotional self-regulation tool.
19.08 And when I don&;t when I&;m feeling shame,
19.08 I don&;t feel like I&;m being very
19.08 productive. I can very easily use both
19.08 masturbation and procrastination to
19.08 reinforce that shame. something that I
19.08 can go to to to get some sense of
19.08 release and understanding
19.08 uh of my internal world. I don&;t really
19.08 understand it, but that embodied
19.08 behavior allows me to feel something
19.08 different in the moment. So, when I&;m
19.08 putting off and putting off and putting
19.08 off and putting off, I&;m living in the
19.08 anxiety of the future. When I&;m
19.08 masturbating, I&;m living into the desire
19.08 of the of the moment and I&;m having a
19.08 orgasm in one and I&;m having a feeling
19.08 of um self-sabotage that
19.08 equals putting things off. It&;s for
19.08 tomorrow&;s problem. You know, I don&;t
19.08 have to do deal with this in the other.
19.08 So, they&;ve got a very similar energy to
19.08 them in my opinion. They they do and
19.08 we&;ve all procrastinated, haven&;t we? I
19.08 mean, yeah, Carrie says procrastinator.
19.08 We&;ve all done that. Um, one of the
19.08 other guys says, um, uh, where was it?
19.08 Where was it? Where was it? Um, I&;m, as
19.08 a widowerower, I found comfort in being
19.08 a solo sexual. It&;s become an emotional
19.08 anchoring as I walk alone. Well, that I
19.08 completely understand that, David. Um,
19.08 like it&;s got to be very lonely. It&;s
19.08 got to feel very sad for you. And you do
19.08 need comfort. You&;ve lost a spouse.
19.08 you&;ve lost a life partner and so what
19.08 do you do with your desire in that
19.08 situation and um you know you need to be
19.08 with others. I think pro probably one of
19.08 the challenges of
19.08 masturbating as a source of comfort is
19.08 it&;s a temporary solution and you need
19.08 something a little more healing for your
19.08 loneliness and that is going to come
19.08 with connection not something that
19.08 you&;re doing by yourself on your own
19.08 right and so it&;s actually kind of a
19.08 culde-sac I guess is a good way to look
19.08 at it like Adam Young likes to use it&;s
19.08 not really healing the wound. It&;s
19.08 soothing it temporarily, but it&;s not
19.08 really getting to a place of
19.08 correction in terms of repairerative
19.08 help. Yep. So, one thing that we can
19.08 quickly dispel the myth is that
19.08 masturbation will mess your penis up.
19.08 It&;s going to it&;s going to bend it or
19.08 warp it permanently. Can I get Peronis
19.08 disease from masturbating?
19.08 Not unless you&;re hanging upside down
19.08 and banging it on the side of the door
19.08 frame. So, poor guy. Poor guy. We have
19.08 to call him out like that.
19.08 But now, if you&;re masturbating really
19.08 vigorously and you break your penis,
19.08 which a lot of guys don&;t know, you can
19.08 break your penis. But if you bend your
19.08 penis forward when it&;s erect and you
19.08 hear a popping sound, you have just
19.08 broken your penis. You need to go to the
19.08 emergency room. Connective tissue in
19.08 your penis. It&;s not a bone, by the way.
19.08 You didn&;t actually break it. So, right.
19.08 But but what it can do is in breaking
19.08 that tissue, it can form scar tissue
19.08 that does then cause your penis to bend
19.08 more in one direction than the other. It
19.08 can be deformed and make intercourse
19.08 hard. So if you ever hear a popping
19.08 sound, uh this occurs in um the cowgirl
19.08 on top or the the person on top position
19.08 usually where somebody gets a little too
19.08 vigorous and too excited and they will
19.08 yolop and it will pee painful. go to the
19.08 emergency room, but you can do that on
19.08 your own. There are guys that have done
19.08 that. So,
19.08 and does it does it mess with does it
19.08 create erectile dysfunction or sexual
19.08 problems over a long period of time?
19.08 That&;s another myth that some people say
19.08 is that if if you masturbate too much I
19.08 think we&;ve talked about the sensitivity
19.08 issue may be an issue. But does ED
19.08 actually come from masturbating? It
19.08 comes from the shame of masturbating
19.08 because the the major cause of most um
19.08 sexual dysfunction in men which is let&;s
19.08 categorize that erectile dysfunction,
19.08 premature ejaculation and an an orgasmia
19.08 which is a difficulty achieving an
19.08 orgasm. All three of those the major
19.08 factor for all male dysfun sexual
19.08 dysfunction is shame. Yep. Okay. So if
19.08 you masturbate and you feel shame about
19.08 it, you can develop ED, you can develop
19.08 an orgasmia, you can develop premature
19.08 ejaculation from that. So again, a lot
19.08 of guys don&;t know that, but yes, it&;s
19.08 not coming directly. It&;s not the act of
19.08 masturbating, it&;s the effect of
19.08 masturbating. So the act itself isn&;t
19.08 the cause. The effect it is is the
19.08 problematic issue. So again, if you keep
19.08 it spaced apart and giving yourself a
19.08 reasonable uh frequency, but what about
19.08 testosterone? Can it lower my
19.08 testosterone? That&;s another myth a lot
19.08 of guys have. We covered that. Your
19.08 testosterone drops after you ejaculate
19.08 temporarily, but it goes back up, you
19.08 know, within a couple of hours. So, it&;s
19.08 not going to lower your testosterone
19.08 levels permanently. It&;s not going to
19.08 make your balls smaller. If anything, it
19.08 would make them bigger, but because
19.08 you&;re ejaculating more frequently. So,
19.08 so any other masturbation myth that
19.08 anybody in the chat wants to find out
19.08 more information about? Will it grow?
19.08 Will it make you blind? Will it your
19.08 your palms get hairy? Will um you know,
19.08 what are we in the middle ages today?
19.08 Will I will I have to eat Cheerios so
19.08 that I can stop masturbating? Is that
19.08 the cereal the solution for for my
19.08 masturbation? So, well that that is why
19.08 breakfast that&;s why cornflakes were
19.08 developed actually. Yes. Luke says it
19.08 made him blind. So
19.08 we could say it made you deaf and then
19.08 I&;m go what? What? What? Huh? Huh? What?
19.08 Huh? What? What?
19.08 The biggest challenge I think in all in
19.08 all this is understanding my emotional
19.08 world. Because when we talk to a lot of
19.08 guys about these issues, they do feel a
19.08 lot of shame around masturbating. you
19.08 know, whether it&;s religious shame or
19.08 just internalized shame, but there&;s so
19.08 much about their emotional world that
19.08 they don&;t really understand. And so,
19.08 they&;re kind of stuck in um this place
19.08 of I&;m just coping. I&;m just surviving.
19.08 I think masturbation really can be a
19.08 survivalistic tool sometimes. I don&;t
19.08 know what to do with my life. I&;ll just
19.08 pump myself full of dopamine and keep
19.08 keep it stroking, keep it going. And as
19.08 long as I as long as I um I mean, you
19.08 ever watch the movie Wolf of Wall
19.08 Street? Yes. He talks about, you know,
19.08 them those are rookie numbers. Those are
19.08 rookie numbers. You got to pump up those
19.08 numbers. I&;m I&;m, you know, this many
19.08 times a day. And it&;s it&;s because I got
19.08 to keep the blood flowing, you know,
19.08 keep things viscous, keep things moving.
19.08 I think that&;s how some guys look at
19.08 masturbation sometimes as a way to feel
19.08 alive.
19.08 Yes.
19.08 And uh there may be some truth to that
19.08 as you age that there is kind of a
19.08 relationship between the penis and a use
19.08 it or lose it type of dimension of being
19.08 able to get an erection and maintain
19.08 sexual pleasure. So, a lot of guys if
19.08 they don&;t if they get married and they
19.08 their wife is ill or their their wife
19.08 passes away or whatever and they don&;t
19.08 maintain their sexual vitality, they can
19.08 lose kind of the ability to get
19.08 erections very easily. And um so there&;s
19.08 there&;s a balance I think in all of
19.08 this. I think if you&;re a single guy and
19.08 you&;re masturbating a couple of times a
19.08 week, it&;s probably not a bad idea. Um,
19.08 some of the research indicates that men
19.08 who have 21 ejaculations a month have
19.08 lower prostate cancer rates, although
19.08 that research was based on a very small
19.08 group of guys. So, it&;s not like
19.08 ejaculating all the time is going to
19.08 prevent prostate cancer, which is the
19.08 second leading cause of uh cancer death
19.08 among men. But it does make a lot of
19.08 sense to me that if you have stuff
19.08 building up in your body that is
19.08 designed to come out on a regular basis,
19.08 it&;s probably not healthy. So, I think
19.08 there&;s David has a question. Does
19.08 compulsive masturbation cause dopamine
19.08 addiction? Oh, you know, that&;s a great
19.08 point. So, I I meant to make that point
19.08 when we talked about does it cause you
19.08 depression? So, it can cause you
19.08 depression, not from the act itself, but
19.08 based on how you&;re using it. So, I&;m
19.08 going to go back to this idea of a
19.08 supernormal stimulus for a second. So, a
19.08 supernormal stimulus is what creates a
19.08 very high level of arousal, which is
19.08 generating a high level of dopamine,
19.08 which makes you seek the high level of
19.08 arousal all the more. So, dopamine is
19.08 released in the seeking and the
19.08 achieving, not the actual orgasm. So,
19.08 it&;s ah, I was seeking to have sexual
19.08 pleasure and now I&;m having sexual
19.08 pleasure. Burst of dopamine. Well, once
19.08 you orgasm, you&;ve reached kind of the
19.08 height of orgasm or dopamine when you
19.08 orgasm, and then there&;s going to be a
19.08 trough that follows that. And that&;s
19.08 typically where you feel empty, alone,
19.08 and depressed. That&;s because you
19.08 created a very high dopamine wave and
19.08 now you&;re in the trough. And you can
19.08 get addicted to that back and forth high
19.08 dopamine level and that&;s what causes
19.08 the depression, not the masturbation
19.08 itself. It&;s how you&;re using it. So
19.08 again,
19.08 The answer is it can if you&;re using it
19.08 a certain way. Is that right? That&;s
19.08 right. That&;s that&;s most of this. Like
19.08 there is some truth in these myths in
19.08 some of these myths, but it&;s not
19.08 because of masturbation itself. It&;s
19.08 because of how masturbation is being
19.08 used in your life. Like like this is the
19.08 common thing. This is what we&;re saying
19.08 is guys, as young men, we use
19.08 masturbation to fall asleep at night. We
19.08 use masturbation to soo our anxiety. We
19.08 use masturbation when we&;re pissed off
19.08 and instead of having a conversation, we
19.08 go blow it out our penis. We use
19.08 masturbation when we&;re feeling shame.
19.08 We use masturbation when we want to
19.08 grieve and we have nobody to grieve
19.08 with. So, we learn to do life by
19.08 avoiding our
19.08 emotions and going to an orgasm. That&;s
19.08 it. And that is what&;s called eroticized
19.08 emotions. You can eroticize any emotion
19.08 when you do that repeatedly as a boy
19.08 because nobody&;s sitting with you in
19.08 your emotions. Yes. And again, my my my
19.08 invitation here is to be kind to
19.08 yourself and ask, "When did this start
19.08 in my life?" Because it started in your
19.08 life out of your family system, not
19.08 because you&;re a pervert and you just
19.08 like to touch your penis. It started
19.08 because you had very intense emotions
19.08 that nobody ever sat with you in and you
19.08 had to soothe yourself. And so there is
19.08 a brilliance about how you went about
19.08 finding a way to care for yourself
19.08 because nobody else was doing it. Very
19.08 creative. And Scott, it&;s a it&;s a it&;s
19.08 a bangup day for us. We have a hundred
19.08 viewers on the live right now. First
19.08 time ever in the history of We Got
19.08 Balls. 100 guys on wanting to know more
19.08 about masturbation and the myths that
19.08 need to be busted from it. So so much
19.08 goodness here, man. Thank you guys for
19.08 being with us. Smash that like button.
19.08 Promote this content. We want to
19.08 continue to have guys see this and and
19.08 benefit from the these conversations
19.08 because we want you to be connected.
19.08 Just like Scott was saying, want you to
19.08 have healthy ways to deal with your
19.08 emotional world and feel like you belong
19.08 in a community of men just like you. So,
19.08 that&;s why we&;re here doing this. I
19.08 wanted to shout out to a couple guys.
19.08 Angelo said he wondered how many men
19.08 here identify as by or gay. I&;m gay and
19.08 love listening to you guys. And then
19.08 David came along and said, "Gay as well.
19.08 Love listening to these guys." Hey, we
19.08 welcome you guys. We&;re glad you&;re
19.08 here. Um, it is so nice to have you feel
19.08 welcomed and safe here. And we welcome
19.08 you. We welcome guys who identify
19.08 however they want to. We&;re we&;re
19.08 ambiguous on the identification issue. I
19.08 think the thing that matters to most to
19.08 us is you&;re men and you want to belong
19.08 in community with men. That&;s what we&;re
19.08 looking for. And so if you&;re a guy and
19.08 you want to do that, you&;re welcome to
19.08 be with us here. Um and we we cover
19.08 these topics because nobody else is
19.08 talking to men about these topics and
19.08 these things matter to us. So um so self
19.08 soothing um one of the guys says that is
19.08 my truth. Well frankly that&;s the truth
19.08 for most of us. That is why masturbation
19.08 becomes addictive because when we
19.08 develop this ability to soo ourselves
19.08 because nobody else would by
19.08 masturbating as children. Every time I
19.08 feel that emotion, now I get horny. So
19.08 neurons that fire together wire
19.08 together. And if as a child the only way
19.08 I could deal with my anger, fear, sad,
19.08 ash, shame was to go have an orgasm,
19.08 then the neurons associated with anger,
19.08 fear, sad, and shame get paired with
19.08 sexual arousal and orgasm. And every
19.08 time I feel anger, fear, sad, shame as
19.08 an adult, I ignore them and I go right
19.08 to having the orgasm because that&;s how
19.08 I feel the emotion. The button works.
19.08 The the the the tug, the rub and tug
19.08 works. If I just tug on that thing, just
19.08 tug on that thing, I feel so much
19.08 better. I feel like I belong. I feel
19.08 like someone loves me. It&;s the
19.08 sensation in my body. Now, you can keep
19.08 doing that. And we say to guys, if
19.08 that&;s what you really want,
19.08 go tug and rub. But is there something
19.08 beneath that desire to go tug and rub on
19.08 your own that you would rather have? And
19.08 I think most guys will go, I just want
19.08 somebody to see me. I just want somebody
19.08 to be with me. And that&;s that&;s the
19.08 issue, right? That&;s it. That&;s it. So
19.08 guys, if you want to connect and be seen
19.08 and deeper than anything any feeling
19.08 that masturbation could ever offer, I&;d
19.08 encourage you to go to we got balls pod
19.08 u.com right now and join us for our next
19.08 event. We got a wonderful event coming
19.08 up in Denver at the in the end of
19.08 August. We&;ve got plenty of space for
19.08 that. Join us and be with us in person
19.08 so we can talk about these things. And
19.08 Scott, from this past weekend, one of
19.08 the things that I would say is it wasn&;t
19.08 the sexual touch that was so powerful.
19.08 It was the caring physical touch and
19.08 kindness. Just to be clear, there wasn&;t
19.08 any sexual touch. There was there wasn&;t
19.08 any sexual touch. There wasn&;t any
19.08 mutual masturbation. There wasn&;t any
19.08 nudity together. We were we were
19.08 hearttoheart, right? We were face to
19.08 face. That&;s where the goodness was
19.08 happening because so many so many times
19.08 we think, "Oh, well, if I just I just
19.08 need to get another hookup or I need to
19.08 get some more sexual energy." No, let&;s
19.08 go find the human energy that we can
19.08 find together and connect. So, we got
19.08 ballsspot.com. You can connect with
19.08 Scott or I in person for coaching or
19.08 groups. You can you can sign up for a
19.08 retreat. You can be a part of this
19.08 community in a deeper way. And that&;s
19.08 your gateway to get there.
19.08 Yes and amen. All right, guys. Well, we
19.08 are grateful to be with you. We will be
19.08 back this Friday. We missed you last
19.08 week being at the retreat. We&;ll be back
19.08 this Friday for another great topic. And
19.08 we look forward to welcoming you into
19.08 our circle of friendship right here on
19.08 We Got Balls. And you do too. Take care.
.